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Band 7

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration
It's true that factors like income are their top priority when people are considering looking for work. I completely agree with
this
 view. To start, modern life is becoming more difficult and complex which forces young individuals to pay much more attention to salary. Especially, the cost of living has increased dramatically these days. In many countries, the average price of renting houses is much higher than ever which is even more than 30% of employee's monthly wages.
Besides
, spending on other basic areas including food, transportation, telephone bills and so forth is
also
 essential and not cheaper. In that case, people have no choice but to desire a well-paid job that could cover the large living expenses.
Additionally
, citizens in urban parts of the world are becoming more ambitious nowadays which means that they want a better quality of life for families or themselves. A relatively higher-paid job could not only improve their financial level, but
also
 provide other extra welfare
such
 as better education resources for children, a
perspective
Correct your spelling
prospective
show examples
 career, and higher pensions after their retirements that relieve their worries about unexpected problems and promote them to experience more enjoyable and pleasurable lifetime.
As a result
, most young citizens hope to obtain as much more money as possible when joining a company. In conclusion, I strongly agree with those who believe that the wage of full-time work is a crucial and key part that encourages people to live by their own efforts and enjoy a
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 of lifetime.
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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance clarity and coherence, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments and provide concrete evidence supporting your viewpoints.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that neatly encapsulate your stance on the topic.
Supported Main Points
The main points are well-supported with explanations highlighting why salary is considered a primary consideration when choosing a job.
Complete Response
You have successfully addressed all parts of the task, demonstrating a complete understanding of the topic and its implications.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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