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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the distribution of the World's water and the use of water in three countries

The charts below show the distribution of the World's water and the use of water in three countries
#show #distribution #world #water #three #countries
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The graphs illustrate how the Earth’s
water
Use synonyms
 is distributed and provide information on how it is used in three countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, it
essential
Add a missing verb
is essential
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 to highlight that just a vast amount of the World’s
water
Use synonyms
 is salt
water
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. The remaining quantity of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 is
unfrequently
Correct your spelling
infrequently
 surface
water
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but can be easily found in ice and glaciers.
Besides
Linking Words
, in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 usage,
while
Linking Words
 Egypt and Saudi Arabia use
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 majority of it for agriculture, Canada uses it mainly for industrial purposes. It is crucial to mention that
while
Linking Words
 97% of the Earth’s
water
Use synonyms
 is salted, just 3% is fresh
water
Use synonyms
. The latter is composed as follows: 79% is in ice and glaciers, followed by 20% of
ground
Correct your spelling
groundwater
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water
Use synonyms
, and
lastly
Linking Words
 1% of surface
water
Use synonyms
. With respect to the use of
water
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, it is essential to remark that Egypt and Canada bore
resemblance
Add an article
a resemblance
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 in the amount used in the agriculture field, with more than 70% of it destined
to
Change preposition
for
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 that usage.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Canada used around 10% of
water
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 aim. The latter country used approximately 80% of its
water
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 in the industrial area,
while
Linking Words
 the two other countries used less than 10% for that usage.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the three countries used almost the same amount of
water
Use synonyms
 for domestic
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
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 (around
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10%).
Submitted by jorgederecho on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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