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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People try new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock climbing. Should such sports be banned?

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In an era where adrenaline-inducing pastimes are increasingly popular, the debate around the safety of hazardous pursuits like sky-diving and rock climbing becomes more pronounced. Whilst some argue for prohibition
due to
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 potential risks, it's vital to consider the importance of personal choice and the advantages these
activities
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 offer.
This
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 essay will argue against the prohibition of
such
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 pursuits by examining the concept of individual choice and the psychological benefits they can provide.
Firstly
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, participation in high-risk adventures often reflects individual decision-making and responsibility.
For instance
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, many enthusiasts of sky-diving and rock climbing undergo rigorous training and adhere to strict safety protocols.
This
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 level of commitment to precaution demonstrates a responsible approach to potentially dangerous hobbies. Respecting the personal freedom to choose one's leisure
activities
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, especially when conducted responsibly, should be paramount. A ban on
such
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sports
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 would be an infringement on fundamental rights and liberties.
Moreover
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, the psychological benefits of participating in these thrilling
activities
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 are significant. Research has shown that engaging in
activities
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 that push personal boundaries,
such
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 as mountaineering, can lead to improved mental health and increased self-confidence.
For example
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, a study published in the Journal of Health Psychology in 2020 found that participants in extreme
sports
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 reported higher levels of psychological resilience and lower levels of anxiety compared to non-participants.
This
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 evidence suggests that the thrill and challenge of these
activities
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 can foster a sense of achievement and personal growth. In conclusion,
while
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 the risks associated with adventurous
sports
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 cannot be ignored, outright prohibition is not the solution. Emphasis should be on informed choice, safety training, and personal responsibility. The psychological benefits and the right to personal freedom underscore the importance of keeping
such
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sports
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 accessible. Adventurous
sports
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, when approached with caution and respect, can offer unique and enriching experiences.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a single aspect of the argument. While your essay has a logical flow, more explicit paragraph topic sentences would enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that present the main ideas effectively, the body paragraphs could be strengthened with more specific examples to support claims, ensuring that each point is well-illustrated and robust.
task achievement
The response to the task is adequate and the ideas presented are clear and expanded upon. However, incorporating additional specific examples and evidence would provide a stronger case and enhance the overall argument.
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