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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As a result of tourism and increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights. What problems does this have on the environment? What measures could be taken to solve the problem?

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In recent years, tourism saw exponential growth and
consequently
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, the number of aeroplanes required rose drastically ,which leads to detrimental consequences on the earth. In
this
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 essay, I intend to delineate problems and steps that must be implemented in order to mitigate harmful effects. The aviation industry has brought many negative effects to our lives. Given that, the amount of emitted carbon has risen to a large extent because of an increase in trips, which results in the depletion of the ozone layer.
consequently
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, not only can the depletion cause global warming, but many people are diagnosed with various diseases
such
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 as skin ones because of the hazardous rays of the sun.
for instance
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, a significant rate of melting has been reported compared to the previous years for the glaciers as our planet is getting warmer. To address
this
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 issue, some initiatives must be implemented by the government.
Firstly
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, partially empty flights for the same destinations must be merged in order to subdue the issue.
Moreover
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, Since most celebrities
such
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 as football superstars own their private aircraft, there are significant volumes of aeroplanes travelling
while
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 carrying a small number of people.
Hence
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, the local regime should intervene and put some constraints on the use of their own private plane.
To sum up
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, the booming tourism industry resulted in the growth of demand for airlines, which brought devastating effects to our planet
such
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 as global warming and skin problems.
However
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, by taking some measurements including the limitation of flights and merging them,
Correct article usage
a noticable
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noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 proportion of the problems can be solved to a certain extent.

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task response
The essay needs to address the prompt more directly by discussing the environmental problems caused by the increasing number of flights due to tourism and providing more specific measures to solve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be improved to better frame the essay and provide a stronger overall structure.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are supported, but the essay could benefit from more cohesive linking of ideas and clearer progression of arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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