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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think only students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded, while others think it is important to reward who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #students #results #reward #show #improvement
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Giving a
reward
Use synonyms
 to
students
Use synonyms
 who get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greet
Correct your spelling
great
show examples
 success in study is necessary. And it is a common phenomenon in
everyday
Add an article
the everyday
show examples
 education system. Some people think it is a useful method, but others think the
students
Use synonyms
 who show progress in studying
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
should be
Use synonyms
reward
Wrong verb form
rewarded
show examples
. Both
statement
Change to a plural noun
statements
show examples
 will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. It is admitted that
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 a
reward
Use synonyms
 to
students
Use synonyms
 with good academic performance can set an example and stimulate other
students
Use synonyms
. When the
reward
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 given to those fast learners , it sends a signal to all
students
Use synonyms
,which is
Correct word choice
that greet
show examples
greet
Correct your spelling
great
show examples
 academic results can gain the
reward
Use synonyms
. Slow learners will study harder than before. They will correct
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 attitude and pay more attention to study. Finding the shortcomings in learning and
figure
Wrong verb form
figuring
show examples
 it out.
Besides
Linking Words
 they will improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 self-discipline ability and learn about how to manage time as
students
Use synonyms
 who are good at studying
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. After a period of time, academic performance will improve,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 get the
reward
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, rewarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 with improved grades is important too. It recognizes
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 effort, and it is a
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
 way. But most
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
students
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 received the progress award ranked low in academic performance in the class.They have more capacity to improve,which
meas
Correct your spelling
means
 more opportunities to obtain the award.It is unfair to
students
Use synonyms
 with limited room for improvement. And the difficulty of progress is much easier than the difficulty of achieving academic results.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it seems to me that schools should
reward
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 score the highest in exams rather than those who make academic improvements.
Submitted by 416187468 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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