IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People nowadays are not fit and active than the people from the olden days. Discuss the causes for this situation and suggest some possible solutions.

#people #situation
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It is certainly true that individuals in present times are not fit and active
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 from previous generations. In my opinion, there are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 issue including eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, and
Correct article usage
a sedentray
show examples
sedentray
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, I would like to recommend some solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem namely,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
, and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 sports. On the one hand, the primary reason why
people
Use synonyms
 today are not fit is they consume too much fast
food
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is because junk
food
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contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 too much fat , which
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this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more vulnerable to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 obese.
Therefore
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, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
are become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 obese they become are more likely to get serious diseases namely, cancer, heart attack, and brain stroke. Overusing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology
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 is
major
Add an article
a major
the major
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 reason why
people
Use synonyms
inactive
Add a missing verb
are inactive
show examples
. To illustrate,
people
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 today spend a
cosiderable
Correct your spelling
considerable
 amount of time in front of
technology
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 computers, and smartphones, which
this
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technology
Use synonyms
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
people
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 to adopt
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
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lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
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,
people
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 in the past adopt
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 namely,
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 to
gym
Add an article
the gym
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, swimming, and playing football.
On the other hand
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, I would like to suggest some measures to mitigate
this
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 issue. The first effective measure,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could launch educational campaigns in order to raise awareness among the public about
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 negative impacts of eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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, after these
campaigns
Add a comma
,campaigns
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will become
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more likely to eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 vegetables, and
furits
Correct your spelling
fruits
. The second efficient solution,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could impose taxes on
useage
Correct your spelling
usage
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 in order to discourage
people
Use synonyms
 to use
technology
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 too much.
As a result
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,
people
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 will utilize
technology
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 less , which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mean
people
Use synonyms
 will become
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more likely to adopt active
lifestyle
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
,
running
Change preposition
as running
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, swimming, and
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
.
To sum up
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, from my perspective, there are different causes why
people
Use synonyms
 are not fit and active
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 from the olden days including eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, and
inactive
Correct article usage
an inactive
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, I would
suggeted
Correct your spelling
suggest
 some actions to alleviate
this
Linking Words
 problem like , authority could incentive
people
Use synonyms
 to eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
, and playing sports.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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