Young peiple are often influenced in theri behaviours and situations by others in the same age this is called peer pressure do the disadvantages outwight the advantages

No one can deny that
children
's influence by others of the same age is a crucial issue. Where it has both positive and negative aspects. So in
this
essay,I will shed light on the argumentative discussions concerning the main advantages and disadvantages of it. On the one hand ,many people believe that
children
's affect by others has many benefits. The most important is that imitate good behaviour. For ,example some
children
do exercise every day in the morning so their friends do the same. Another advantage is that improve their skills
.
Correct your spelling
For
for instance
,the kids encourage each other to play football and draw
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
. A third benefit is that makes good communication
instead
of sitting alone. On the other hand ,there are some drawbacks . The most significant is that imitate the mistakes. To illustrate ,some younger smoking and drink so of course will damage their body. A second disadvantage is that sometimes poor young do like rich kids which causes big problems for their families because they don't have money
as well as
like bad things boys all
this
impacts society. A third edge is that unwanted clothing will impact . In conclusion,it is fair to say that
children
's influence by others indicates more advantages than disadvantages,and
that is
clear from what has been previously ,discussed.
To sum up
it is evident that
children
's influence has a trend that heads towards the disadvantages than to the advantage and
that is
very clear in what has been previously discussed.
Submitted by nameomani322 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this siteโ€™s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack depth and clarity. Make sure to introduce your topic clearly and provide a strong conclusion that summarizes your main points.
Task Achievement
Your essay responds to the task but lacks depth and completeness. Make sure to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure and support your points with specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: