IELTS essay, topic: Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is often argued that a significant number of
museums
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
a
fee
for the signup process,
while
some people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
it should be free of cost. From my point of view, visitors will be more concerned about
museums
after spending money on entry. Here I would explain why
charges
are feasible to a certain extent. Primarily, well-known art
museums
from all across the world are taking a certain amount of money from their visitors;
however
,
charges
are not considerably higher.
For example
, Albert Hall is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exquisitely known for its ancient artefacts
has
Correct word choice
and has
show examples
an entry
fee
for tourists and the
museum
authorities are using the masses' money to maintain the
museum
by including
security
Correct article usage
the security
show examples
of the art gallery.
Hence
, paid Halls are well-maintained and tourists are willing to visit over there repeatedly.
Secondly
, If art galleries
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have an entrance
fee
, folk who are really interested
to explore
Change preposition
in exploring
show examples
the halls will visit, whilst non-social elements will avoid going there.
For instance
, the
Museum
of France was free to visit for everyone a few years ago, but later, on they started entry
charges
due to
a
severeaccident
Correct your spelling
severe accident
which occurred by the commotion of some boisterous lads.
In addition
, the
museum
administration found out that they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
prevent
such
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
kinds of mishappenings by taking
charges
from the visitors. Eventually, It worked to a great extent. In conclusion,
museums
and halls are integral parts of a country's glorious history that uphold ancient things. From my perspective, all
museums
should have a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
fee
to keep secure them and maintain them for a long time. Ergo, governments and private institutes should take accountability to take care of national properties.
Submitted by nkdharniya on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of charging for museum admission, but the ideas are not fully developed. It is recommended to provide more detailed examples and explanations to support the points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It is important to structure the essay with a proper introduction that introduces the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fees
  • Revenue generation
  • Facilities
  • Exhibits
  • Maintenance and preservation
  • Artifacts
  • Exclusive exhibitions
  • Temporary exhibitions
  • Overcrowding
  • Equitable access
  • Discounted rates
  • Educational experience
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