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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, there are more young people enrolled in work based training instead of attending university. Do the advantage of the situation outweigh the disadvantages.

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Nowadays, most university-level students tend to do a job rather than complete their studies.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and in my opinion, I believe that
this
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 has more benefits than negatives. On the one hand, when the pupils are engaged in a certain job
then
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 they could be financially stable.
In other words
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, at the period of joining different, universities they can work
in particular
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 interesting fields.
In addition
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, they can secure their career path through certain work and earn money which might eventually fulfil the demands they dreamed of.
For instance
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,
instead
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 of securing degrees, there are rising demands for professional soldiers, plumbing, carpentry and cooking.
Consequently
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,these days their services are becoming more and more expensive.
This
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 kind of training is becoming very popular and through pieces of ,training they can maintain their work-life balance.
On the other hand
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, higher university study opens a door to numerous pathways.
For example
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, one of my classmates completed a master's degree in computer science and currently works in one of a well-known international company.
This
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 would not
be
Wrong verb form
have been
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 accomplished if he hadn't completed his study.
Moreover
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, highly educated individuals are less likely to be deprived of jobs because they have a certain qualification and quality to adjust themselves in unusual situations.
Thus
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,
Correct article usage
the Univesity
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Univesity
Correct your spelling
university
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 provides more working opportunities.
To conclude
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, I consider that the advantage of a simple training job outweighs its disadvantages.
Although
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 higher education is significant, it is impossible for all to achieve academic positions and an opportunity to find suitable jobs.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear presentation of the writer's opinion and the structure of the essay. The conclusion should be more conclusive and summarize the main points in a better manner.
task achievement
The essay lacks a clear position on whether the advantages of work-based training outweigh the disadvantages. Additionally, there is a need to present a clear opinion in the introduction, and re-evaluating the advantages and disadvantages in the conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • hands-on experience
  • tuition fees
  • career progression
  • skill gaps
  • technical expertise
  • tailored learning
  • personal growth
  • extracurricular opportunities
  • specialized skill set
  • career adaptability
  • job market
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