In some countries, there are more young people enrolled in work based training instead of attending university. Do the advantage of the situation outweigh the disadvantages.

Nowadays, most university-level students tend to do a job rather than complete their studies.
This
essay will discuss both views and in my opinion, I believe that
this
has more benefits than negatives. On the one hand, when the pupils are engaged in a certain job
then
they could be financially stable.
In other words
, at the period of joining different, universities they can work
in particular
interesting fields.
In addition
, they can secure their career path through certain work and earn money which might eventually fulfil the demands they dreamed of.
For instance
,
instead
of securing degrees, there are rising demands for professional soldiers, plumbing, carpentry and cooking.
Consequently
,these days their services are becoming more and more expensive.
This
kind of training is becoming very popular and through pieces of ,training they can maintain their work-life balance.
On the other hand
, higher university study opens a door to numerous pathways.
For example
, one of my classmates completed a master's degree in computer science and currently works in one of a well-known international company.
This
would not
be
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
accomplished if he hadn't completed his study.
Moreover
, highly educated individuals are less likely to be deprived of jobs because they have a certain qualification and quality to adjust themselves in unusual situations.
Thus
,
Correct article usage
the Univesity
show examples
Univesity
Correct your spelling
university
show examples
provides more working opportunities.
To conclude
, I consider that the advantage of a simple training job outweighs its disadvantages.
Although
higher education is significant, it is impossible for all to achieve academic positions and an opportunity to find suitable jobs.
Submitted by suneel22.sn on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear presentation of the writer's opinion and the structure of the essay. The conclusion should be more conclusive and summarize the main points in a better manner.
task achievement
The essay lacks a clear position on whether the advantages of work-based training outweigh the disadvantages. Additionally, there is a need to present a clear opinion in the introduction, and re-evaluating the advantages and disadvantages in the conclusion.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • hands-on experience
  • tuition fees
  • career progression
  • skill gaps
  • technical expertise
  • tailored learning
  • personal growth
  • extracurricular opportunities
  • specialized skill set
  • career adaptability
  • job market
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