IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Currently, many people fail to balance the work with the other parts of lives.What are the reasons and how to solve it?

#people #balance #work #parts #lives
It is true that the disbalance of career and personal affairs become normal among people, especially for those people living in big cities. There are many reasons behind
this
 phenomenon, and governments should cooperate with
corporates
Replace the word
corporations
show examples
 to assist them. On the one hand, serval factors contribute to
this
 common issue.
To begin
 with, we all know that the goal of firms is their profit, when they have a chance to cut back any unnecessary expenditures, including the costs of labour, they will exploit possible methods to manage it.
For example
, it is normal for them to order employees to
work
 on legal holidays and ask them to tackle emails of businesses when they already
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 back home.
As a result
, overtime
work
 certainly leads to the draining of most energy from their personal entertainment
then
 tipping the balance.
On the other hand
, there are some approaches that states can take actions to address these problems.
Firstly
, authorities should emphasize the illegality of overtime
work
 and request companies execute labour-protecting laws on the ground.
In addition
, governments would be wise to raise the incomes of those workers who
are desired
Wrong verb form
desire
show examples
 to
work
 on the weekends or extend their working time.
For instance
, if companies want their employees to spare hours from their private lives, they have to consider whether the costs are worth enough or not. In conclusion, the absence of laws and execution of punishments are the main reasons behind the disbalance of citizens’ leisure time and career, so those actions should be taken along several fronts: through the plan of law-siting, the fine of firms, and the protection of workers.
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task response
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion could be improved by providing more explicit connections between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of ideas.
lexical resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice. A more varied and precise use of vocabulary would enhance the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures with some grammatical errors and inconsistencies. A more consistent and accurate use of grammar and sentence structures would improve the overall grammatical range.

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