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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
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It is an uncomfortable truth that many criminals commit more illegal acts after they are released from
jail
. There are several causes to
this
 phenomenon
such
 as
lack
 of social support.
This
 essay will discuss what I believe to be the reasons for
this
 issue and suggest some solutions to mitigate
this
 problem. To embark on,
according to
 the Indonesian national report on crimes, more than half of
offenders
 committed the second and more crimes after serving the first punishment. There are a few reasons for
this
, one of them is a
lack
 of social support or social acceptance. When these
offenders
 came back from
jail
 and started their new lives in a community; they often find it hard to get a job because many employers refuse to hire them.
As a result
, they once again commit a robbery or shoplifting just to make ends meet. Another factor contributing to the high incidence of
second crime
Add a hyphen
second-crime
show examples
 among these ex-criminals is probably a
lack
 of education and practical skills. most of these
offenders
 do not have a degree, and they spent a huge amount of time in
jail
.
Therefore
, when they go out, there do not meet the criteria or
lack
 of skills required for employment.
However
, there are a few steps that can be taken by the government
as well as
 the community to reduce crime rates.
First,
there should be programs in
jail
 facilities to provide inmates with practical skills or job training so that when they finished their time in
jail
; they were able to make money and continue their lives. In conclusion, many
offenders
 commit more crimes after serving their time because the community could not accept them as a member of their society.
However
, the government could take a few steps to help these
offenders
 function in society
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they would not have the chance to do another crime.
Submitted by irarahmawati.polkesma on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: