IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age .punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
It is necessary for
children
 to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early stage
punishment
 is significant to assist them learn the distinction. I totally agree with
this
 statement, and I would like some punishments can
taken
Change the verb form
be taken
show examples
 by
parents
 and
teachers
 including,
parents
 can
control
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 of
technology
, and
teachers
 can punish
children
 by
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 their marks.
To begin
 with, I totally believe
puhishment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 is
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 method to teach
children
 what
right
Add a missing verb
is right
show examples
 and wrong.
This
 is because
puhishment
Correct your spelling
punishment
send
Correct subject-verb agreement
sends
show examples
clear
Add an article
a clear
show examples
 message
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
 that indiscipline
behaviour
 is wrong, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can deter
children
 commit unacceptable
behaviour
.
For example
, In the UK
teachers
 punish
children
 who make misbehaviour
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
physicals
Change the noun form
physical
show examples
 punishments.
Therefore
,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of bullying and indiscipline in the UK
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
darmatically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 in schools.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, through
punishment
children
 can learn from their mistakes what
correct
Add a missing verb
is correct
show examples
 and incorrect, which
this
mean
Replace the word
means
show examples
punishment
 can correct the
behaviour
 of
children
.
As a result
,
punishment
 can contribute to
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 our society less
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
.
Morevoer
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, I would like to suggest some forms of
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
taken
Change the verb form
be taken
show examples
 by
parents
 and
teachers
.
Regarding
Change preposition
Parents
show examples
parents
,
parents
 can punish their
children
 by
control
Replace the word
controlling
show examples
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
technology
 namely, smartphones,
computers
Correct word choice
and computers
show examples
.
This
 is because
children
 in recent times often spend a considerable time in front
these modern
Change the determiner
this modern technology
these modern technologies
show examples
technology
 in order to play video games.
Consequently
, by
control
Replace the word
controlling
show examples
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
technology
children
 will learn they make
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 things. When it comes to
teachers
,
teachers
 can punish pupils who commit indiscipline
behaviour
 by
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 their grades in
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
.
For example
, In the Uk
schools
Add a comma
,schools
show examples
 there are 20 % of marks for every
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
 on
discipline
Add an article
the discipline
show examples
 of
children
.
To sum up
, I strongly believe
punishment
 is extremely important to correct
behaviour
Correct article usage
the behaviour
show examples
 of
children
, and I recommended some actions for
paretns
Correct your spelling
parents
 and
teachers
 to punish
children
 namely,
control
limit
Correct article usage
the limit
show examples
 of
usage
 of
technology
, and reduce the marks of
children
 on
Correct article usage
the curriculem
show examples
curriculem
Correct your spelling
curriculum
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: