IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Adult youth are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid ? Give your opinion.

#adult #youth #development #communities #work
It's undeniable that the vibrant
energy
 of young blood is needed for the enhancement of our communities. I firmly believe that monetary incentives should be included to ascertain that youngsters are involved in
community
work
. The most important reason why the youth should get paid in society service is that they have materialistic needs. They are lured by the glamour of consumerist society which encourages them to have pocket money of their own.
Also
, getting paid will reduce the number of petty crimes which is done by the young to achieve their needs. ,
Subsequently
Add a comma
,Subsequently
show examples
 it will increase the compliance for
community
work
.
Secondly
, Most of today's youth generation are sedentary. So Paid
work
 will motivate them to do physical activities outside,
Instead
 of wasting their time and
energy
 on useless games or discos. Paid
community
work
 will be a positive outlet for their pent-up
energy
 and Channelizing their
energy
 in the right direction.
For instance
, Egypt has planned its 2030 vision with paid internships and
community
work
 to encourage youngsters for physical activities.
Finally
,
this
 monetary incentive would make them put their best into whatever
work
 they have to do. Some youngsters may
also
 find some future career options in
such
work
, which would definitely be helpful for all communities. Unpaid
work
 would be done half-heartedly and may not bring the results that are expected. In conclusion, It can be reiterated that paid
community
work
 is more useful than voluntary
work
 for both society and youth.
Submitted by islam_biologist on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: