the graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number oof new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

the graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number oof new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
The given line graph compares the
number
of closing and openings of
shops
in a particular country during an eight years period starting from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
, despite the fluctuations happening during the given time the
number
of closures and openings decreased by 2018.
To begin
with, about 8500
shops
were opened in 2011 but
this
number
fell to half by 2012 and after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
there was a rise by 2014 recording approximately 6000
shops
. The
number
then
decreased again in 2015 and stood stable until 2017 recording 4000
shops
getting opened again and by reaching 2018 there were 3000
shops
opened in the given country.
On the other hand
the
number
of
shops
being closed presents more fluctuations compared with the
number
of openings. At the starting point, in that specific country there were about 6500
shops
closed, after that by reaching 2012 the graph decreased to 6000
shops
and
then
peaked at about 7000
shops
closing in 2013. In 2013, the rate of
shops
closure was almost identical to the begging point and a considerable fall in 2015 reaching the point of fewer than 1000 shop closures.
Finally
, the
number
of closings soared again and recorded 5000 and stood almost unchanged for the rest of the period.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shops with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail sector
  • economic trends
  • fluctuations
  • correlation
  • consumer habits
  • market analysis
  • closure rate
  • opening rate
  • commercial landscape
  • socio-economic factors
  • business climate
  • entrepreneurship
  • decline
  • surge
  • financial crisis
  • competition
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • sustainability
  • forecast
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