Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion.

While
some
people
did
Verb problem
have
show examples
not
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
in their entire
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, certain
people
suggest that working for different organisations is more beneficial. Personally, I prefer the second statement because different job experiences acquire a more comprehensive perspective. Working in the same company for all their working
life
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
some beneficial points. The most significant one is that employees are able to expertise in their jobs.
For example
, most Taiwanese have spent their whole
life
sacrificing for a single company, it turns out most employees are really good at their
work
and even find it easy to complete. Undoubtedly, if
people
spend a lot of time on the same type of labour, they will become flexible and expert in their jobs.
This
situation prompts the employees’ effectiveness in that they are able to accomplish their goals in a short time and have a stable position. The caveat is that the second half part of their working
life
is usually tedious and without emotion.
On the other hand
, switching to different
companies
is more beneficial because it can broaden an individual’s perspective. Even though working in the same organization acquires a stable position, different
companies
emphasize different aspects. Take the interior design industry as an example,
people
like to
work
in different
companies
because they value diverse styles,
such
as modern, traditional, and ecological design, and we are able to study a variety of areas as we
work
in other organizations.
This
is invaluable because it broadens individuals' perspectives and trains them to see things from different angles. Employees can enhance their technique and learn more comprehensively by changing
companies
. In conclusion, despite a steady position and wage, experience in distinct organizations seems more valuable in working
life
. A personal
work
life
should be enriched, not stuck in a single place.
Submitted by anson900506 on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job at addressing both viewpoints and providing a clear opinion. However, some sections could benefit from further elaboration to fully explore your points.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of your essay is solid, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
The examples you provided are relevant and strengthen your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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