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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some feel that government should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#feel #government #prioritize #healthcare #areas
Health preservation plays a vital role in human life and the
government
 should take it into consideration. It is argued by some
people's
Change preposition
people that
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 health protection is more important than other aspects.
While
Correct word choice
apply
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I firmly believe that there are several sectors
such
 as environmental conservation and education which
are
Verb problem
have
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 a mutual effect on each other as the
government
 keep the same balance among them. On the one hand, having a great service in healthcare is essential for all societies because it gives a chance to access sufficient treatment and decreases the rate of mortality.
Moreover
, being well both mentally and physically
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to a healthy society which has education, employment and economic growth.
Therefore
government
 should invest in
this
 sector and
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
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 to develop healthcare services.
For example
, in developed countries like the US or Europe professional treatment
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 available for their nation and they can be under the supervision of doctors regularly.
Consequently
, they are less likely to suffer from illnesses and other diseases compared with undeveloped countries.
On the other hand
, despite the importance of attention to health authorities bear responsibility for other sectors like environmental protection
as well as
 education.
For instance
, if any damage is caused to the environment it can threaten animals or even humans' life. As
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should take strict action and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 people's awareness to solve environmental problems it can
be effected
Wrong verb form
affect
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 people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 directly.
To sum up
,
although
 healthcare service is more important to stay healthy governments should not overlook other sectors too because all of them are connected with each other.
Submitted by dilnur9919 on

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task response
Provide clear and specific examples to support your points
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are logically connected and presented in a coherent manner

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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