IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people want to buy famous brands in clothes cars and other items . What are the reasons behind this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Luxurious goods currently draw enormous
people
Use synonyms
 to make purchasement. I think the given condition can embark as a negative development among individuals, which is possibly influenced by various reasons that will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the cause, there are some possible contributing factors
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
.
Initially
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 just want to uplift their social identity. Nowadays, it is inevitable that renowned brands can have a remarkable
impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
show examples
to shape
Change preposition
on shaping
show examples
ones'
Change noun form
one's
show examples
 identity, especially
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media platforms.
This
Linking Words
Use synonyms
phenomena
Change the determiner
phenomenon
show examples
 is quite popular, especially among South Korean teenagers, who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
revelead
Correct your spelling
revealed
 from recent research, that nearly 87% of them tend to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
A-level-fashion-branded
items
Use synonyms
 in order to be entitled as 'King or Queen of Branded
Items
Use synonyms
'.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 prevalent trend is
also
Linking Words
 caused by the
obssession
Correct your spelling
obsession
 to get high social appraisals in society.
Due to
Linking Words
 the high living standards in
this
Linking Words
 era, there is a nurturing stigma that in order to be highly appreciated by
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 must wear branded
items
Use synonyms
 from
head-to-toe
Correct your spelling
head to toe
show examples
. Again,
this
Linking Words
 situation can be evidently seen among the younger generations who
likely
Add a missing verb
are likely
show examples
 to receive a high number of likes on their Instagram if they wear
dress
Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
show examples
, shoes, or handbags from renowned brands.
As a result
Linking Words
, it heightens the sense of competitiveness among them to acquire branded
items
Use synonyms
 Reflecting
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those conditions, I personally see them as a negative development because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 several risks as follows;
First,
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can create social disparities.
For example
Linking Words
, students who carry Louis Vuitton
backpack
Fix the agreement mistake
backpacks
show examples
 at the school are grouping each other oftentimes, and barely seen to
hangout
Correct your spelling
hang out
show examples
 with those who wear casual
backpack
Fix the agreement mistake
backpacks
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
it can lead to bullying
phenomena
Use synonyms
, which can be seen among some elite and private American schools where its students tend to bully and peer-victimized their bystanders who
are not wear
Change the verb form
do not wear
show examples
 specific branded clothes during PE class, which
causing
Change the form of the verb
causes
show examples
 its victim to have a high prevalence of school
absentessism
Correct your spelling
absenteeism
 and the school have
a high drop-out rates
Correct the article-noun agreement
high drop-out rates
a high drop-out rate
show examples
 each month. In conclusion, I believe that possessing branded
items
Use synonyms
 can have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
people
Use synonyms
 as it can create a remarkable social
disparty
Correct your spelling
disparity
as well as
Linking Words
 result in bullying
phenomena
Use synonyms
. The reasons behind
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 behaviours can be related to the ego to uplift their social identity and get a higher social appraisal from
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion to enhance readability.
style
Incorporate varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich the content and display a wide linguistic range.
accuracy
Fact-check information to enhance the credibility of your examples, especially when quoting statistics or research findings.
content
You've provided a clear stance on the topic, thoroughly exploring both the causes and impacts of the trend which shows a deep understanding.
examples
You make use of relevant, detailed examples to support your points, demonstrating an ability to apply theoretical concepts to real-life scenarios.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, reinforcing your initial stance and demonstrating a strong logical structure throughout.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social Status
  • Proliferation
  • Globalization
  • Targeted Advertising
  • Perceived Value
  • Desirability
  • Reliability
  • Peer Pressure
  • Consumer Satisfaction
  • Innovation
  • Competition
  • Excessive Consumerism
  • Social Classes
  • Detract
  • Appreciation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: