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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people want to buy famous brands in clothes cars and other items . What are the reasons behind this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development

#people #brands #clothes #cars #items #trend #development
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Luxurious goods currently draw enormous
people
 to make purchasement. I think the given condition can embark as a negative development among individuals, which is possibly influenced by various reasons that will be discussed in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with the cause, there are some possible contributing factors
for
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to
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 that
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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.
Initially
,
people
 just want to uplift their social identity. Nowadays, it is inevitable that renowned brands can have a remarkable
impacts
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impact
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to shape
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on shaping
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ones'
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one's
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 identity, especially
in
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on
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 social media platforms.
This
phenomena
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phenomenon
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 is quite popular, especially among South Korean teenagers, who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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revelead
Correct your spelling
revealed
 from recent research, that nearly 87% of them tend to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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A-level-fashion-branded
items
 in order to be entitled as 'King or Queen of Branded
Items
'.
Moreover
,
this
 prevalent trend is
also
 caused by the
obssession
Correct your spelling
obsession
 to get high social appraisals in society.
Due to
 the high living standards in
this
 era, there is a nurturing stigma that in order to be highly appreciated by
public
Add an article
the public
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,
people
 must wear branded
items
 from
head-to-toe
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head to toe
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. Again,
this
 situation can be evidently seen among the younger generations who
likely
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are likely
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 to receive a high number of likes on their Instagram if they wear
dress
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dresses
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, shoes, or handbags from renowned brands.
As a result
, it heightens the sense of competitiveness among them to acquire branded
items
 Reflecting
from
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on
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 those conditions, I personally see them as a negative development because
it
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they
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 can
brings
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bring
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 several risks as follows;
First,
it
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they
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 can create social disparities.
For example
, students who carry Louis Vuitton
backpack
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backpacks
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 at the school are grouping each other oftentimes, and barely seen to
hangout
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hang out
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 with those who wear casual
backpack
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backpacks
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.
Second,
it can lead to bullying
phenomena
, which can be seen among some elite and private American schools where its students tend to bully and peer-victimized their bystanders who
are not wear
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do not wear
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 specific branded clothes during PE class, which
causing
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causes
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 its victim to have a high prevalence of school
absentessism
Correct your spelling
absenteeism
 and the school have
a high drop-out rates
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high drop-out rates
a high drop-out rate
show examples
 each month. In conclusion, I believe that possessing branded
items
 can have
negative
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a negative
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 impact on
people
 as it can create a remarkable social
disparty
Correct your spelling
disparity
as well as
 result in bullying
phenomena
. The reasons behind
that
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those
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 behaviours can be related to the ego to uplift their social identity and get a higher social appraisal from
public
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the public
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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structure
Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion to enhance readability.
style
Incorporate varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich the content and display a wide linguistic range.
accuracy
Fact-check information to enhance the credibility of your examples, especially when quoting statistics or research findings.
content
You've provided a clear stance on the topic, thoroughly exploring both the causes and impacts of the trend which shows a deep understanding.
examples
You make use of relevant, detailed examples to support your points, demonstrating an ability to apply theoretical concepts to real-life scenarios.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, reinforcing your initial stance and demonstrating a strong logical structure throughout.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social Status
  • Proliferation
  • Globalization
  • Targeted Advertising
  • Perceived Value
  • Desirability
  • Reliability
  • Peer Pressure
  • Consumer Satisfaction
  • Innovation
  • Competition
  • Excessive Consumerism
  • Social Classes
  • Detract
  • Appreciation
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