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Band 7

Successful sport players can earn a great deal more money than people in other professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sport #players #money #people #professions
In modern times, it could happen that
players
 who have achieved fame earn significantly more money than individuals specializing in other fields. Some people complain about
this
 scenario because they deem it unfair,
while
 others believe that it is well-deserved.
This
 essay will delve into both viewpoints. Personally, I support the latter opinion because I do not consider
this
 situation to be unjust. To commence, it is undeniable that successful
sports
players
 receive recognition for their contributions from many, much like experts in other fields who
also
 exert tremendous efforts.
For instance
, becoming a teacher is no simple task. Aspiring educators must not only undergo extensive studies but
also
 possess the skills to effectively educate students. Given the challenges of
this
 profession, they too merit substantial income.
However
, being a famous
sports
 player is fundamentally distinct from being a teacher or working in any other ordinary occupation.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that
sports
players
 must showcase not only their hard work but
also
 their inherent talent or gift.
Furthermore
, even within a pool of 100
sports
players
, only a handful may succeed as prominent figures. Considering
this
, it is logical that they should receive higher salaries compared to those in conventional jobs.
Moreover
, unlike typical occupations,
sports
players
 provide entertainment to a wide audience.
Thus
, it is justifiable that they earn more money, as many individuals are willing to pay to watch these athletes perform. In conclusion,
while
 professions in various fields pose their own challenges, attaining success as a
sports
 player is notably arduous, and their substantial earnings are well-justified
due to
 the heightened demand for their unique talents.
Submitted by songcheng619 on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed and that ideas are relevant, supported, and extended.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear and effective progression of ideas, with logical and cohesive paragraphing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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