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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society
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In recent years there has been a growth in the average age of
people
due to
 the advancement of healthcare sectors.
While
 some think that
this
 trend comes with various benefits, I firmly believe that there are several potential drawbacks for the community and government.
To begin
 with, an increase in the average age of
people
 brings numerous issues in
society
.
Firstly
, it leads to an overpopulation problem as the rate of birth increases
while
 the rate of death decreases, generating more financial burden on the government as they need to allocate more budget to many sectors, especially on healthcare services for citizens.
Moreover
, the community will become an elderly
society
 which brings various issues.
For example
, many elderly
people
 are unable to work and earn an income because of their health.
Consequently
, they require subsidies from the government or support from their families, straining their finances.
On the other hand
, the elderly population offers various advantages to the community.
Due to
 the wealth of wisdom and experience of elders, they are able to contribute to
society
 by transferring their knowledge to
society
, as mentors or advisors. In some families, where parents are unable to take care of their children, grandparents can step in to provide care for their children, passing their culture and tradition through their role. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 may think that living longer than before positively contributes to
society
 and many families, I strongly believe that
this
 trend will bring various downsides
such
 as overpopulation and transition the
society
 to
elderly
Correct article usage
an elderly
show examples
society
 which affects both the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 and
society
.
Submitted by title848 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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