Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

#obesity #pandemic #world’s #population #people #risk #health #reason #growth #society

More and more

people

suffer from obesity and that leads to serious problems with health. The reason why the number of overweight

people

is growing is an unhealthy lifestyle,

while

the problem can be tackled by enhancing the

life

quality of

people

. To start, obesity is a widespread concern in our community owing to unhealthy habits in their

life

. Humans show little activity in their everyday lives as they prefer to stay inside rather than outside. Most of them do not do sport or something else, at the same, time they eat fast foods so much and

as a consequence

, gain weight.

In addition

, laziness is very common in modern society

in contrast

with the past,

that is

why the number of fat

people

climbed dramatically.

For instance

, doctors of one of the 17 clinics in Pittsburgh say that 89.1% of overweight

people

gain weight

due to

live

Change the verb form

living

show examples

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

life

This

issue can be solved by changing the

life

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

of that

people

It is clear that

if the primary reason is a way to live,

then

the solution will be change. Physical activities and quality nutrition will boost their health, increase daily activities and give them more energy. Eventually, it would be easier to tackle the problem or even preclude it beforehand.

Moreover

, researches conducted by Birmingham University justify

this

idea and show that 88.3% of local doctors advise their patients to change their lifestyle as a phase of treatment.

To conclude

, the main reason why obesity is very common in our society is how they live and the solution to the problem is a change in their daily

life

habits.

Submitted by i.nureddinn on Wed Oct 09 2024

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task achievement

Consider providing more varied examples and explanations to thoroughly support each main point discussed.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to ensure smooth progression of ideas.

task achievement

The essay maintains focus on the task and answers both parts of the question effectively.

coherence cohesion

You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.

task achievement

You have used an external source to support your arguments, showing critical thinking and strengthening your essay's position.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Developing the economy will always damage the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that the priority of the government should be to ensure growing economy. While others believe that the government should focus its effort on uplifting the less fortunate? discuss both views