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sudies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they could get a good job once they are released. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education.
For
this
 reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in confinement so they can get a good job once they are released. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this
 statement? Over the
last
 2 or 3 decades, the no of crimes happening worldwide has increased dramatically for some reasons. Some research indicates that a significant amount of prisoners have low levels of education. Educate people in jail to get a good occupation once they are released. In my opinion, I don't think it would work well. In
this
 essay, I will explore the reasons for my opinion and try to draw some conclusions. First and foremost, we can't 100% guarantee that the jailors will get the work after release from their cell since some of the owners prefer to avoid getting an employee who came from the prison
due to
 their customer safety. In
such
 cases, the criminal may get upset, and it would be the reason for them to make faults again.
Secondly
, the convict may need to be in a position to study as these are new for them. Some of them may be very rude to the person who is willing to teach. Educating at the cell may be a tedious task as they want to deal with the criminals.
On the other hand
, Educating the jailors would be beneficial to understand what is good and bad, which will make them
to staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 away from faults. And
also
, it would be energetic to their mental health
while
 they were in prison. To put everything into a nutshell, Teaching convicts at the prison would not be beneficial in case of jailor's mindset and uncertainty in job opportunities. But it is energetic to their mindset.
Submitted by akmaljeely on

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task response
Your essay falls short in providing a clear and comprehensive response to the question. Make sure to address the prompt directly and present a clear position.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat lacking. Work on organizing your ideas and supporting them with relevant examples. Additionally, make sure to include a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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