IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

In modern society, some people argue that schools become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. Do you agree or disagree?

#society #people #schools #children #study #home #internet
Nowadays, many people think that
students
Add a verb
arestudents
werestudents
show examples
 unnecessary to go to the classroom,
instead
 of they can
study
 on platforms like
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 zoom,
azota
Correct your spelling
azote
,… In my opinion, I disagree with that and I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 school
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 better than
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 on platforms.
Firstly
, studying at home via the internet
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
sudent
Correct your spelling
student
students
 cannot focus on the
lesson
 because they
study
 on pc or smartphone
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
distration
Correct your spelling
distraction
. Student can surf the internet
chat
Correct word choice
and chat
show examples
 with their friends
while
lecturer
Correct article usage
the lecturer
show examples
study
Change the verb form
studies
show examples
 the
lesson
.
Secondly
, after
teachers
Correct article usage
the teachers
show examples
 end up the
lesson
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have many
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
question to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
ask teachers.
It
Add a verb
isIt
wasIt
show examples
 very easy to do
this
 in the real classroom but in the platform, it
so
Add a missing verb
is so
show examples
 different. We would not understand the
lesson
 if we studied that no discussion.
Thirdly
, we go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school not only
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
 hard but
also
play
Fix the infinitive
to play
show examples
 with friends and develop
myself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
. In the home, we cannot make
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 so we feel alone
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
due to
 some disease about social.
To sum up
, I think that studying via the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
as
Add a missing verb
is as
show examples
 not good as
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 school
Submitted by tram.vomy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: