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Band 5.5

some people believe that having fewer children is the best way to preserve the world's limited resousers. others believe that technology is the answer and that population control is unncessary. disscuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #world #resousers #technology #population #control #unncessary #disscuss
Some people claim that in order to save the limited resources on the Earth, we should have fewer birthrate,
while
 others claimed that making the most of
technology
 will be the key to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sustainable world. In my opinion, I don’t agree with having birthrate control to preserve the global resource.
First,
birthrate control appears to be a direct and effective way to decrease the usage of our precious
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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. Indeed, India and China have
a
Add a missing verb
had a
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growing
population
 over the years, and it has been said that over half
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
 of the world’s
population
 may become Indian or Chinese people.
However
, when we look at other countries
such
 as France, Germany and Japan, these countries would be suffering from
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
the decrease
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of
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in
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young
Correct article usage
the young
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population
. By allocating the
surpass
Wrong verb form
surpassed
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population
 to these countries as immigrants, the balance of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 would become more flat and resources would not run out at one specific place.
Next,
technology
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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such
 as computing and simulation
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 has played many important roles in preserving the global resource,
however
, I think
this
 is not the only answer to the sustainable solution. Nowadays, people use tremendously much electricity and harmful chemicals in their modern lifestyle, causing damage to the natural environment.
According to
 the New York Times article, if everyone in the world
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 a lifestyle like normal Americans, the contamination of
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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 environment surges
up
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apply
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immediately, resulting in destroying vast habitable areas on the earth.
Thus
, what we need to focus
is
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on is
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 not
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extravagant
technology
such
 as searching
habitable
Add an article
the habitable
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area
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areas
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 on Mars, but shifting
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a sustainable lifestyle
such
 as non-chemical agriculture and non-harmful science
technology
.
In addition
, a number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scholars insist that it is necessary to minimize the metropolitan areas and avoid concentrating
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in one zone. By doing
such
 a political effort, we can achieve saving precious energy
source
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sources
show examples
 and continue human activity for centuries to come on a global basis.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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