IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modern era, surveillance
technology
Use synonyms
 ranging from security cameras to cellphone tracking has become common.
While
Linking Words
 these systems are often implemented without people's knowledge, the question remains whether the benefits of increased safety justify the invasion of
privacy
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, despite some clear advantages, the disadvantages regarding personal freedom and the potential for abuse outweigh them. The primary argument in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of hidden monitoring is public safety. Law enforcement agencies use security cameras and data tracking to prevent crimes and identify suspects more efficiently.
For example
Linking Words
, security footage is often needed in solving crimes,
while
Linking Words
 digital tracking can assist in locating missing persons or managing emergency responses. In these contexts, the hidden presence of
technology
Use synonyms
 ensures that bad citizens do not change their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 to avoid detection, making the community safer.
However
Linking Words
, the drawbacks of constant and unannounced surveillance are everywhere. The most immediate concern is the loss of
privacy
Use synonyms
. When individuals are monitored without their consent, it creates an atmosphere that can limit free expression and normal social activity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a risk of data abuse. If tracking information falls into the hands of hackers or is used by authorities to silence people, the
technology
Use synonyms
 becomes a tool for harm rather than protection. Once the boundary of
privacy
Use synonyms
 is crossed, it is nearly impossible to regain. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the use of monitoring
technology
Use synonyms
 provides support for crime prevention, I believe these benefits do not outweigh the risks. The potential for the violation of civil rights and concerns regarding surveillance without consent suggest that stricter regulations are needed to ensure that
technology
Use synonyms
 serves the public without damaging their right to
privacy
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task management
State your view in the first line of the intro and restate it in the end.
coherence
Use linking words to tie ideas and make the flow smooth.
development
Give more strong examples to show your points.
lexis
Use simple, common words and short sentences.
grammar
Check grammar and keep sentences clear.
task response
Clear view and firm stance.
coherence
Good use of 'However' and 'In conclusion'.
structure
Nice structure with intro, body and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: