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Writing Samples
Band 7

In modern society, some people argue that schools become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. Do you agree or disagree?

#society #people #schools #children #study #home #internet
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In the era of globalization and modern technologies,advanced IT innovations have been applied more frequently than they used to be in the past.It is considered that schools become less vital in
children
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's education when they can study at home through the
Internet
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,and I partially agree with
this
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 statement.The purpose of
this
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 essay is to examine whether studying online could be hazardous or not. On the one hand, access to the
internet
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 has made an individual's life much more convenient in terms of entertainment.
In other words
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,people can interact with each other via the
Internet
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 and social media do assist human beings.
However
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,in regard to studying,
children
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 become indolent, losing their concentration to study.They desire to relax and kick back everything when they are at home.
Consequently
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,it leads to misunderstanding the concept of education and becoming silly at the same moment.
On the other hand
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,regarding their spare time,offspring spend their free moment with their nuclear and extended families via special gatherings.
This
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 means that time
which is
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apply
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being spent in schools could be given for daily gathered dinners,
furthermore
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 for activities that strengthen interconnected relationships.
For example
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,
while
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 playing online games
such
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 as chess and Monopoly,
children
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 could cherish the moment spent with families
also
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 they can broaden their horizons and do their assignments with pleasant feelings.
Hence
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,staying at home and focusing on their studies at the same time,can motivate
children
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 to be fruitful and keep a balance between subject and family.
To conclude
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,all aforementioned points illustrate that with the help of the
Internet
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,
children
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 can both study and relax,which leads to positive and negative consequences.As far as I am concerned,If we can utilise the
Internet
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 during school term,the scion would believe that they are in their snug homes.
Submitted by arnakaldybai on

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Task Response
In the introduction, be clear about your stance on the topic and the points you will discuss. Provide a clear and comprehensive response to the task, ensuring relevant and specific examples are used to support your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay's logical structure is mostly effective, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that the ideas are logically connected within paragraphs and across the essay.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of sentence structures. However, be mindful of clarity and appropriateness of word choices and expressions.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a good command of grammar with varied sentence structures. However, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and use of articles.
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