Using smartphone is harmful for the eye. How far do you agree ?

#smartphone #eye

Beyond doubt , there has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether

smartphone

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the smartphone

a smartphone

show examples

is harmful

for

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show examples

eyes

Correct article usage

the eyes

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or not .

According to

prespective

Correct your spelling

perspective

, excessive amounts of everything is harmful

same

Correct article usage

the same

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is the case for mobile

phone

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phones

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. My position is argued

further

To begin

with , nowadays

cellphones

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cell phones

show examples

has

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have

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became

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become

show examples

necessity

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a necessity

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but more than that it has

became

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become

show examples

a habit

due to

containing excessive amounts of engaging activities like

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

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, social media ,

video

Correct word choice

and video

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games just to name a few. People especially

younger

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the younger

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generation spend a lot of time watching and scrolling the screen .

This

results in their less focussing power and a change in

focal

Correct article usage

the focal

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length of

eye

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the eye

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lens . It is evident in various studies that

majority

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the majority

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of youth is facing

near -sightedness

Correct your spelling

near-sightedness

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problem

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problems

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in recent times.

Moreover

, mobiles are much nearer to

eyes

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the eyes

show examples

while

being used in comparison to watching

Remove the article

apply

show examples

television . The harmful

radiations

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radiation

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affects negatively causing our retina to shrink . To add on , there are myriads of extreme cases in which masses of people completely lost their vision or got

cataract

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cataracts

show examples

To conclude

, I opine that

although

there are

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apply

show examples

numerous other reasons which are harmful

for

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show examples

eyes

Correct article usage

the eyes

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, smartphones are the topmost as they

has

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have

show examples

to be operated

through

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from

show examples

a very small distance from

eyes

Correct article usage

the eyes

show examples

as well as

they are used more often than other technological devices like laptop, television and computers .

Submitted by shavidhillain on Thu Aug 17 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

238 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Using smartphone is harmful for the eye. How far do you agree ?

Fully explain your ideas

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers.Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions

Food travels thousands of miles from farmers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for our environment and economy if people consumed locally produced foods. To what extent do the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree ir disagree with this statement?

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' •To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction? •* Social media networks = messaging and information exchange systems such as Facebook and Twitter.

The government should spend money in promoting sport and art in school, rather than sponsoring sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?