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Band 4

Using smartphone is harmful for the eye. How far do you agree ?

#smartphone #eye
Beyond doubt , there has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 or not .
According to
 my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, excessive amounts of everything is harmful
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 is the case for mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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. My position is argued
further
.
To begin
 with , nowadays
cellphones
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cell phones
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has
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have
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became
Change the verb form
become
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necessity
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a necessity
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 but more than that it has
became
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become
show examples
 a habit
due to
 containing excessive amounts of engaging activities like
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 , social media ,
video
Correct word choice
and video
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 games just to name a few. People especially
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation spend a lot of time watching and scrolling the screen .
This
 results in their less focussing power and a change in
focal
Correct article usage
the focal
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 length of
eye
Add an article
the eye
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 lens . It is evident in various studies that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of youth is facing
near -sightedness
Correct your spelling
near-sightedness
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 in recent times.
Moreover
, mobiles are much nearer to
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
while
 being used in comparison to watching
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
television . The harmful
radiations
Fix the agreement mistake
radiation
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 affects negatively causing our retina to shrink . To add on , there are myriads of extreme cases in which masses of people completely lost their vision or got
cataract
Fix the agreement mistake
cataracts
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.
To conclude
 , I opine that
although
 there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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numerous other reasons which are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 , smartphones are the topmost as they
has
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have
show examples
 to be operated
through
Change preposition
from
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 a very small distance from
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
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as well as
 they are used more often than other technological devices like laptop, television and computers .
Submitted by shavidhillain on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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