Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school

Many

people

are of the opinion that young

people

's priority

Change preposition

for

show examples

a successful career is taking courses from higher education.

However

, some believe that getting

jobs

after

finished

Wrong verb form

finishing

show examples

high school is better.

This

writer was in two

mind

Change to a plural noun

minds

show examples

, and will discuss

Change preposition

apply

show examples

both sides in

this

essay. It is vital to understand that the higher qualifications

students

have, the better job they will get.

Students

spend

approximate

Change the word

approximately

show examples

four years on courses which taught they massive and professional knowledge in their

field

Fix the agreement mistake

fields

show examples

such

as law,

engineering

Correct word choice

and engineering

show examples

As a consequence

, young

people

will gain expert knowledge and have more opportunities for promotion in their work. On the whole, a plan for

further

educating

Replace the word

education

show examples

after high school should be set up by young

people

. It can be clearly seen that late teens will gain experience from early

jobs

which is essential for their

jobs

. During their work, they can always learn from their mentors some skills

such

as communicating and networking.

Hence

this

leads late teens to be more mature and able to solve problems in

working

Correct article usage

a working

show examples

environment.

Therefore

, they can easily have better

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

due to

their soft skills. Personally, I hold the belief that

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

will gain more and more benefits from higher education.

Although

early

jobs

Change the verb form

are

show examples

attractive to teenagers,

university

Add an article

the university

show examples

not only

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

you specialized knowledge but

also

improve

Correct subject-verb agreement

improves

show examples

students

' coop skills. All things considered,

although

getting

jobs

Add a missing verb

is an

show examples

upward trend among

students

, more and more companies are likely to hire employees who have degrees or better qualifications.

Submitted by zky1705202 on Thu Aug 17 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

249 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Academic qualifications
Specialized skills
In-depth knowledge
Personal growth
Social development
Practical experience
Financial independence
Career progression
Professional networking
Education
Work experience
Successful career
Personal interests
Career goals
Decision-making process

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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In many countries paying for things using mobile phones (cell phone ) apps is becoming increasingly common .Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages ?

Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the government while others think that people should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, some people are renting accommodation, while others are buying their own homes. Does renting accommodation have more advantages or more disadvantages than buying a place?