IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Nowadays, having too much free
time
Use synonyms
 or not having enough daily activities often leads
people
Use synonyms
 to use their smartphones too much. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 bad habit can easily lead to serious long-term problems,
such
Linking Words
 as physical health complications and poor communication skills in everyday life.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the excessive use of smartphones causes various health issues because of the massive amount of
time
Use synonyms
 wasted every day in front of a digital
screen
Use synonyms
. When
people
Use synonyms
 spend hours looking at their devices, they completely neglect their physical well-being and live a passive lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
, many individuals suffer from weakened vision and constant headaches
due to
Linking Words
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they often develop chronic back or neck pain from sitting or lying down in an incorrect position for a long period.
This
Linking Words
 lack of movement makes the body weak and tired.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it weakens the personal relationships between
people
Use synonyms
 because they tend to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on their apps and forget to go outside and enjoy real communication. When someone is always looking at a
screen
Use synonyms
, they stop interacting with the family and friends who are right next to them. Over
time
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 habit can lead to serious communication difficulties in real-world situations.
People
Use synonyms
 become shy, forget how to express themselves clearly, and find it hard to make new friends, which creates a deep sense of social isolation. In conclusion, I believe that spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 in front of a
screen
Use synonyms
 leads only to negative consequences. It cuts
people
Use synonyms
 off from their friends, destroys real-world connections, and causes serious health issues that are easy to avoid.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more clearly. You explain the bad side well, but the reasons for heavy smartphone use are not fully developed.
task response
Add one clear reason in the first paragraph, such as boredom, easy fun, or social media use.
task response
Use a more direct opinion sentence about why this trend is negative.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are easy to follow because each body paragraph has one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words a bit more carefully. Some lines are long and could be split into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which helps the reader.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep it the same through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your body paragraphs stay on topic and support your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is clear and matches your main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: