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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threanted to the point of extenction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with the problem.

#deforestation #development #species #habitat #point #extenction #animals #measures
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It is undeniable that with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental manipulation
such
Linking Words
 as unlawful poaching, cutting trees and other activities for the aim of humans' comforts most
animals
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 and
plants
Use synonyms
 would stay on the verge of extinction. From my
points
Fix the agreement mistake
point
show examples
 of view, it is
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 fact that
this
Linking Words
 problem should be taken seriously. In
this
Linking Words
 essay I intend to delve into the problem and suggest some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
 involve important parts of human life which means that they
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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guarantee mankind being.
They
Correct pronoun usage
Their
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 life
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a chain and
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 existence can balance the ecosystem.
For instance
Linking Words
,
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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 of
kind
Correct article usage
the kind
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 of mouth can distribute to the over-populated
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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species
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 it would lead to the vanishing
species
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 which
feeding
Wrong verb form
feed
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from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them because lack of food
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, nowadays most
use
Change to a plural noun
uses
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
 are in the medical field. most cures
prescribing
Wrong verb form
prescribed
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 by doctors are containing
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
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 that have been taken from
animals
Use synonyms
 or specific
plants
Use synonyms
 gens that they can affect directly
on
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apply
show examples
humans The solutions are not easy but joint efforts by
government
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 and
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 can lessen the gravity of the situation. At
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
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level
Add a comma
,level
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 people should obey the rules which have been legislated by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 in order to conserve these
species
Use synonyms
 from
endanger
Change the verb form
endangering
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such
Linking Words
 as restriction of hunting in specific areas.
furthermore
Linking Words
,
Government
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 should plan for organizing some endangered
species
Use synonyms
 and allocate them
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 in order to handle them with care and provide them
proper
Add an article
the proper
a proper
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 quality of life
such
Linking Words
 as
keeping
Change preposition
by keeping
show examples
 them in
national
Add an article
a national
the national
show examples
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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 or assigning some restricted areas where no poachers cannot go there.
To sum up
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, I reiterate that
animals
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 and
plants
Use synonyms
 are crucial for
humans'
Change noun form
humans
show examples
 being and their extinction can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to irrecoverable
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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. The alleviation will reach from shared responsibility of folks and
government
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by majidimehrsa on

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