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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

If old people are no longer physically, mentally or financially able to look after themselves, younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #members
Today it is
hot
Add an article
a hot
show examples
 debate that whether
parents
are become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 the onus is on
children
 to provide them care
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 law enforcement or not. from my point of view, I
filrmly
Correct your spelling
firmly
 disagree with the given notion and some arguments surround my notion.
this
 would be
unjustice
Correct your spelling
injustice
show examples
 if we
binding
Wrong verb form
bind
show examples
 them to support their
parents
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it is more
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
 responsibility.
to begin
 with,
parents
 are god's gifts and they are the only people in the world that never can be replaced. they have nurtured their
children
 with lots of barriers.
Therefore
, now it is the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 turn to aid them in their calamities.
However
, it is their human
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to amend their
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
generous
Replace the word
generosity
show examples
 and should not be their legal
liablity
Correct your spelling
liability
.
for instance
, they may have some problems in their personal life
such
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of time or conflicts with their family members. if
this
 obligation
add
Change the verb form
adds
show examples
 to their duty that would heavier the burden
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their shoulder which can be unfair in some cases.
furthuremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, they have to dedicate their life to
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 around them and
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they can not live properly. that could cause some mental issues and pschycos'
diseas
Correct your spelling
disease
diseases
such
 as depression and isolation .
moreover
,
children
 should be responsible for their own life. they have the right
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 marriage and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 birth to their child. So, they should
priortize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 their own child.
for example
, people who take many times for their
parents
 to take care of them should expect
bringing
Change the verb form
to bring
show examples
 up infants without having knowledge of
ettiquets
Correct your spelling
etiquettes
etiquette
.
to sum up
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 reiterate that infants should take care of their
parents
 because of their high value
however
, it should not be an enforcement for them.
Submitted by majidimehrsa on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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