Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job.On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
A group of individuals present the view that obtaining higher qualifications is essential for finding better employment possibilities,
whereas
others believe that having practical skills and abilities can play a vital role and be more effective in one's career prospects.
On the one Linking Words
hand
some Add a comma
hand,
people
justifiably argue that being educated and having Use synonyms
higher
degree from Add an article
a higher
prestigious
Correct article usage
a prestigious
universities
is a decisive factor in a Fix the agreement mistake
university
persons
future Change noun form
person's
to find
a proper job because those who study have sufficient knowledge to afford Change the verb form
finding
the
managing workplaces. For Correct article usage
apply
examples
, engineers need to be diligent and Fix the agreement mistake
example
knowledgable
because they are responsible for supervising construction sites or production lines. Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
In addition
, doctors should Linking Words
also
have very strong credentials as they take the responsibility of examining and curing their patients and there is no room for making mistakes.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, Linking Words
anothe
group of Correct your spelling
another
people
claim that vocational skills rather than educational skills are crucial for having better job opportunities. They firmly insist that without Use synonyms
blue collar
workers Add a hyphen
blue-collar
Linking Words
for
instance, all factories and businesses will end up Add the comma(s)
, for
bankruptcy
. Replace the word
bankrupt
However
, I do not find Linking Words
this
argument convincing as these days Linking Words
as a result
of state-of-the-art technology and Linking Words
cutting edge
devices the need for some workers Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
decrease
substantially. There used to be a sizeable amount of positions for Wrong verb form
has decreased
people
without Use synonyms
enought
knowledge but right now if Correct your spelling
enough
people
do not have adequate information about their Use synonyms
career
, it would be impossible to have lucrative Fix the agreement mistake
careers
job
.
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
To conclude
, in my view education Linking Words
id
more helpful for having Correct your spelling
is
better
position in Add an article
a better
siocieties
. Correct your spelling
societies
Moreover
, advancements in technology Linking Words
had
led to Wrong verb form
have
less
requirements for workforces without sufficient knowledge.Change the quantifier
fewer
Submitted by m.r.zamani1376678 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which is positive. However, the logical flow within and between paragraphs could be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences that direct the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents arguments for both sides, and a personal opinion. You could enhance your score by sharpening your arguments with more focused and comprehensive ideas supported by stronger and more specific examples.
lexical resource
The lexical resource shows some variety but could benefit from more precise and sophisticated vocabulary usage. Be cautious with repetition and aim to demonstrate a broader lexical range appropriate to the topic.
grammatical range accuracy
To improve your grammatical range and accuracy, it is essential to ensure sentence construction is both complex and correct. Minor grammatical errors or misuses can be overlooked, but more blatant errors can considerably impact the clarity of your message.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?