Some college freshmen find that the courses they choose are not suitable for them. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve the problem.
Obviously, college freshmen usually discover that the majors and courses they choose are not suitable.
As a consequence
, many cannot find their dream jobs or lifelong peruses. And, such
a phenomenon is frequently observed in Asian countries in particular
. In the essay, I will use Taiwan as an example to elucidate its origin and offer some recommendations.
To begin
with, the main roots of this
topic are twofold. First of all, students are preoccupied with academic subjects and have no available time to develop their hobbies. For instance
, to gain better academic performance, young people in Taiwan are given endless exams and are requested to cram schools at night. Secondly
, educators cannot provide practical advice or suggestions for majors, courses or even future careers. It
is because teachers Correct pronoun usage
This
do
not Verb problem
are
equip
with enough social experiences and basic industry knowledge. To illustrate Wrong verb form
equipped
this
, teachers who are in charge of math cannot possibly understand the nature of a restaurant and the work of a chef, and thus
cannot provide suggestions to learners.
On the other hand
, to solve the matter, some methods are proposed. Firstly
, the government and educational institutes are recommended to lower teenagers’ pressures by reducing academic lectures and related tests. Furthermore
, individuals should be encouraged to foster their interests so that they will have a better understanding of their future paths. Moreover
, educators can invite graduates to share the latest career information and instruct the younger generation in career planning.
In conclusion, high expectations of academic grades and a lack of relevant messages are two fundamental reasons in Taiwan. As a result
, encouraging teenagers to cultivate their loved
interests is crucial. Replace the word
love
Additionally
, inviting graduates and releasing kids from stress are also
significant. Most importantly, adults shall not take academic achievements that seriously and ultimately strangle the possibilities from other perspectives.Submitted by aaron.ten.tw on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and effectively addresses both the causes and solutions. To improve further, consider offering more specific examples or evidence to support your points, especially in the solutions section.
coherence cohesion
Strive for seamless transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. While your essay generally maintains a logical structure, refining your transitions will make your argument more coherent.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion by stating the problem and indicating that Taiwan will be used as a case study. This provides a clear focus for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a well-defined conclusion that summarizes the main points and offers a final thought on the importance of not overemphasizing academic achievements.
supported main points
The use of specific context (Taiwan) to illustrate your points adds depth to your essay and makes it more engaging. This also demonstrates awareness of a real-world setting which enhances task achievement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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