Some college freshmen find that the courses they choose are not suitable for them. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve the problem.

#college #freshmen #courses

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Obviously, college freshmen usually discover that the majors and courses they choose are not suitable.

As a consequence

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, many cannot find their dream jobs or lifelong peruses. And,

such

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a phenomenon is frequently observed in Asian countries

in particular

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. In the essay, I will use Taiwan as an example to elucidate its origin and offer some recommendations.

To begin

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with, the main roots of

this

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topic are twofold. First of all, students are preoccupied with academic subjects and have no available time to develop their hobbies.

For instance

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, to gain better academic performance, young people in Taiwan are given endless exams and are requested to cram schools at night.

Secondly

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, educators cannot provide practical advice or suggestions for majors, courses or even future careers.

Correct pronoun usage

This

show examples

is because teachers

Verb problem

are

show examples

not

equip

Wrong verb form

equipped

show examples

with enough social experiences and basic industry knowledge. To illustrate

this

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, teachers who are in charge of math cannot possibly understand the nature of a restaurant and the work of a chef, and

thus

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cannot provide suggestions to learners.

On the other hand

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, to solve the matter, some methods are proposed.

Firstly

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, the government and educational institutes are recommended to lower teenagers’ pressures by reducing academic lectures and related tests.

Furthermore

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, individuals should be encouraged to foster their interests so that they will have a better understanding of their future paths.

Moreover

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, educators can invite graduates to share the latest career information and instruct the younger generation in career planning. In conclusion, high expectations of academic grades and a lack of relevant messages are two fundamental reasons in Taiwan.

As a result

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, encouraging teenagers to cultivate their

loved

Replace the word

love

show examples

interests is crucial.

Additionally

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, inviting graduates and releasing kids from stress are

also

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significant. Most importantly, adults shall not take academic achievements that seriously and ultimately strangle the possibilities from other perspectives.

Submitted by aaron.ten.tw on Sat Aug 19 2023

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task achievement

Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and effectively addresses both the causes and solutions. To improve further, consider offering more specific examples or evidence to support your points, especially in the solutions section.

coherence cohesion

Strive for seamless transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. While your essay generally maintains a logical structure, refining your transitions will make your argument more coherent.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion by stating the problem and indicating that Taiwan will be used as a case study. This provides a clear focus for your essay.

introduction conclusion present

The essay includes a well-defined conclusion that summarizes the main points and offers a final thought on the importance of not overemphasizing academic achievements.

supported main points

The use of specific context (Taiwan) to illustrate your points adds depth to your essay and makes it more engaging. This also demonstrates awareness of a real-world setting which enhances task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

301 words

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Some college freshmen find that the courses they choose are not suitable for them. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve the problem.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The government should control the internet to reduce cybercrime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Some cultures value elderly people more while other cultures value the youth more . Discuss both approaches and give your own opinion.

With a growing worls population one of the most pressing issues is that of feeding such large number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?