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Band 6.5

Completing universit education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Lately, many debates have been argued about which is significant for a future career, academic education or obtaining practical experiences. Respectively, both are essential for learners, but I strongly believe that academic learning is more effective than acquiring soft
skills
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.
Firstly
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, completing a college education is important for strengthening the academic and scientific knowledge of keen students, as without getting enrolled in an educational institution, they will not be qualified in the subject matter of their interest, and
this
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 will undoubtedly affect their future career.
In other words
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, the labour market nowadays is extremely demanding; it requires qualified graduates with a comprehensive background in their major.
Therefore
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, I believe a college degree is important to meet the labour market's needs.
Moreover
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, learners in academic schools will have the opportunity to face real-world challenges during their academic journey, and
thus
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 will indeed provide them with
skills
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such
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 as problem-solving, time management and organisation.
In addition
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, pupils will
also
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 learn some soft
skills
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 on campus,
such
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 as communication and teamwork, particularly when they deal with their colleagues and professors inside the classroom.
On the other hand
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, some social researchers claim that life experiences are the best lessons that a person could receive, and they learn more from them than academic schooling.
While
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 I partly do not agree with that, because reality shows the opposite. To illustrate, currently most companies, industries, institutions workplaces ask
initially
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 about the university degree and look at academic credentials.
However
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, soft
skills
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 are an undeniable feature when looking for a special candidate to serve a specific position. In fact, it is important to draw attention to the fact that some individuals who lack prior
skills
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 sometimes cannot excel in finding a good job. Having said that, I believe that soft
skills
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 can facilitate the working process, where an employee can build a great relationship with co-workers and negotiate with customers and so on. In conclusion, both university education and life experiences complement each other, but I strongly believe that obtaining a university degree is more crucial when looking for a proper job.

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coherence
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and keep the idea in every paragraph.
language
Use shorter, simple sentences and clear links to connect ideas.
content
Give one or two real or clear examples to back your points.
structure
Try to talk about both sides with clear balance before giving your view.
grammar
Check word choice and spelling; avoid tricky words or wrong use of words (like 'respectively').
structure
The essay shows a clear main idea and a final view.
content
The draft argues that education helps job fit and that soft skills are useful.
coherence
There is a flow from one idea to another most of the time.
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