Many young people are motivated and successful at high school. Many others, however, lack motivation and see high school as irrelevant to their interests and needs. Why is this? What could be done to help all students succeed? Requirement : Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #school #lack #motivation #interests #students #requirement

It is sometimes argued that

while

some high

school

students

enjoy spending at and are satisfied with

school

, others are bored

from

Change preposition

with

show examples

school

. I believe that the reason why they are disappointed at

school

is because there is (are?) a big gap between their ideal and reality and the emergence of

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

Firstly

, there is a gap between what they want to

study

or make an effort to and what they are forced to

study

every day. That difference can cause them not to

forcus

Correct your spelling

focus

to learn.

Secondaly

Correct your spelling

Secondly

, thanks to the technology innovation, more people, even high

school

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

, can purchase

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one.

However

smartphone

Add an article

the smartphone

a smartphone

show examples

is so addictive that it prevents

student

Add an article

the student

a student

show examples

from concentrating on their studies and even going to

school

every day. In order to improve the bad situations, (or in order to solve

this

problem ) the program of

study

should be converted into the new one, where

students

can choose the subject that they want to take, depending on their interests and needs.

Therefore

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should provide liberal arts,

such

as art, music, sports, politics, law, and financial classes. From my own experience,

such

a program made me spend

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

enjoyable time.

Secondly

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

cooperate with

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

for creating

law

Fix the agreement mistake

laws

show examples

regarding smartphones. The regulation of the usage of

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

allows

students

to focus on

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

as well as

to avoid committing crimes via mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

. In conclusion, I believe that some

students

are disappointed at

school

because of both the spring of mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and the difference between what they expect

school

to do and what they are compelled to do by

school

Therefore

, I maintain that it should be dealt with by the regulation of mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and the supply of more variety of studies supported by

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on Sat Aug 19 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

294 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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