Some people think art such as sculpture and music cannot improve the quality of people’s lives so the government should not spend money on them but on health and defence. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There is an opinion that a nation's investment should be inclined towards physical fitness and military forces

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

creative activities to uplift the standard of living of the citizens. I strongly disagree with

this

Linking Words

and believe that creativity brings inner peace and aids

to get

Change preposition

in getting

show examples

t diverse communities together. To start with, art illuminates mental well-being. Mental peace helps to release stress and pressure,

as a consequence

Linking Words

, people are less likely to fall ill which brings a positive impact on the day-to-day lives of every individual.

For example

Linking Words

, research suggests that by listening to a few favourite songs, people have managed to come out of dire circumstances and later

worked

Wrong verb form

work

show examples

efficiently.

Therefore

Linking Words

, to maintain a valuable lifestyle, one should engage in artistic works.

Secondly

Linking Words

, all the art forms provide an opportunity to bring societies together on one platform. The talent of individuals offers a respectful exchange among mankind.

Moreover

Linking Words

, there are chances to explore new talents from different nations.

Due to

Linking Words

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

the countries can

also

Linking Words

come together.

For instance

Linking Words

Cannes

Correct article usage

the Cannes

show examples

Film Festival, held in Paris, gives space for global celebrities to gather together and celebrate each others' success.

This

Linking Words

way even the marginalised communities come forward to represent themselves on an international stage.

Hence

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

brings the world to know one another and be compassionate towards each other.

To conclude

Linking Words

, there is clear evidence to support the argument that music and paintings are of vital importance. The involvement of humans in these areas can spread kindness and restrain any kind of bitterness toward each other.

joginderkour524Sun Aug 20 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Consider expanding on your examples to provide a deeper exploration of how art contributes to mental well-being and societal cohesion. This could enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.

coherence

Try to further clarify how each point you make directly relates back to the main argument in your thesis statement. This can help to ensure that your main ideas are clearly supported throughout the essay.

cohesion

Make sure to use transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.

task achievement

Your introduction presents a clear opinion and sets up the discussion well, which is excellent for task achievement.

coherence

You have effectively identified important benefits of art and creativity in society, showing a good understanding of the topic, which enhances your overall argument.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

cultural capital
therapeutic
well-being
creativity
critical thinking
stimulate local economies
national pride
heritage
symbolic
freedom of expression
cultural diversity
tangible benefits
beacon of resilience
diplomatic tools
promoting peace

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8.5
band
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, there has been a demographic trend that shows a larger proportion of young adults than that of older people. This essay will argue that the advantages of this outweigh the drawbacks. The essay will first demonstrate that this shift comes with a more competitive workforce and that it brings added benefits to social welfare, followed by an analysis of how the primary disadvantage, particularly the shortage of craftsmen, is not valid.
7.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.
Nowadays, in some parts of the world, people are living longer compared to previous decades. There has been a debate on whether this population brings more problems to governments or is more beneficial. In my opinion, the disadvantages of having an elderly population outweigh the advantages.
8.5
band
A large company in your area has decided to spend amount of money,either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open-air concerts.It has asked for feed back general public. write a letter to the company .in your letter -describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team -summerise the benefits of paying for the concert. -say how you think to send the money
I hope you and your company are doing well. I am Harsh Desai, a resident of the area in which you are considering sponsoring a local children's sports organization for 2 years or two open-air concerts. I am writing this email to provide you with my personal feedback.
7
band
Families who send their children to private schools not be required to pay taxes that support the state education, to what extent do you agree or disagree.
These days Education has become one of the agued ideas are discussed in the present. some people believe that paying costs to private universities is not required of them. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my personal conclusion. I strongly disagree with the statement for several reasons.
7
band
An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?
It is no doubt true that obesity in childhood leads to serious health problems in future. Personally, I think this problem is caused by the changing lifestyles of the younger generation. They prefer now sitting at home and playing online games instead of doing active things with peers and eating junk food. With age, opportunities to get in shape and prevent diseases are reducing. Therefore, it is extremely important to take care of the lifestyle of kids, their activity, eating habits and bad habits.

Some people think art such as sculpture and music cannot improve the quality of people’s lives so the government should not spend money on them but on health and defence. What is your opinion?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

Families who send their children to private schools not be required to pay taxes that support the state education, to what extent do you agree or disagree.

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?