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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts illustrate how many female and male were employed by manual occupation compared to non-manual profession in Great Britain in 1992.

The pie charts illustrate how many female and male were employed by manual occupation compared to non-manual profession in Great Britain in 1992.
#occupation #profession #britain
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The pie charts illustrate how many
female
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females
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 and
male
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males
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 were employed
by
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in
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 manual
occupation
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occupations
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 compared to
non-manual
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the non-manual
a non-manual
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profession
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professions
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 in Great Britain in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
, men were
occupied
Correct quantifier usage
more occupied
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 in manual
specialties
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specialities
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 than women. Exactly over half per
cent
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 of men worked in craft or similar, general labourers and other manual activities. The overwhelming majority of those a hefty 85 per
cent
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 women worked in mental professions in comparison
men
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to men
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. The figure was 69 per
cent
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 and forty-eight per
cent
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 respectively. We can see, that the most of
male
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males
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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thirty-six per
cent
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 worked in
managerial
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the managerial
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 and professional sphere, and only 2% of them occupied in general labourers.In 1992,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
female
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females
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one
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were one
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 third per
cent
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 employed in clerical or related jobs,
minority
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a minority
the minority
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 of them worked in general labourers activities. The other manual activities for both sexes show almost identical indicators,
whereas
Linking Words
 3 per
cent
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 more
female
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females
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 than
male
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males
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 were employed in other non-manual spheres. It is clear, that in Great Britain in 1992
female
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females
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 main 3 working spheres were managerial and professional, clerical or related,
Correct word choice
or other
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other manual
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another manual
other manuals
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,
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the male
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male
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males
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also
Linking Words
 worked in managerial and professional,
other manual
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another manual
other manuals
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of clerical or related they were occupied in craft or similar.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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