IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people say taht music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what exent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #taht #music #cultures #ages #exent
Music
 is firmly established as part of our life. More and more
people
 enjoy listening to
music
, and the spectrum of kinds of
music
 has been expanded. Following that, there are an increasing number of
people
 who have argued that
music
 can bring society together. I completely agree with
this
 opinion and I will discuss the reason why
music
 plays a crucial role in our society in
this
 essay. There are some compelling reasons why
music
 can gather
people
 in
One
. First of all,
music
 provides us
some
Add the preposition
with some
show examples
 opportunities to share each other’s
emotions
. Each piece of
music
 has its own lyrics and melodies.
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
Artists
show examples
 make
music
 involve the
emotions
 that they want to convey.
People
 who to listen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
 might feel the same feeling as the musicians or individuals feeling with the
music
. And
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 will share their
emotions
 and gather as
one
.
Moreover
, not only sharing between listeners,
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 and listeners can be as
one
 through the
music
. Understand each other's
emotions
, and give some condolence, they can grasp each other's minds. We can find other convincing reasons for
this
 opinion. These days, we can contact other country's
music
 or very old
music
 because of developed media and the Internet. So
people
 could have some interest in the cultures of other countries. And even the
people
 will find the bridge that they can communicate with other countries
people
 who
also
 love the
music
.
For instance
, many
people
 want to learn Korean and visit Korea
due to
 the spread of K-pop and they want to communicate with their worldwide fans
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and their
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
. In
this
 way, the world
also
 can gather as
one
, regardless of
people
’s age or gender. In conclusion, I think
music
 is a crucial bridge that gathers
people
 as
one
.
Music
 has amazing powers
such
 as conveying
emotions
 and bringing together all of the world.
Submitted by yebin9009 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: