IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #health #person #services #companies #care
This
 is true that healing supports ought not to be used by private businesses since keeping fit plays a vital role
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each individual and
no-one
Correct your spelling
no one
show examples
 can not guarantee the morality of private healthcare. In my opinion, the benefits seem to
spend
Verb problem
be
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 amount than the drawbacks and make it acceptable to most of the public. Following an original instinct, the public often
seek
Change the verb form
seeks
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personal health protection with less waiting time and patients want to have their own room,
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 personal doctor,
better
Correct word choice
and better
show examples
 hospital equipment,...
that is
 the first good point of private medical management, as it offers an opportunity to the human that has enough money to access a premium service which will help increase the happiness of the citizens.
Secondly
, the company is often smaller and easier to operate than state hospitals.
Therefore
, they are able to invest the revenue
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 research and development of facilities and technologies
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 hospital equipment,
therapy
Correct word choice
and therapy
show examples
 care
technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
show examples
,...so as to keep people’s energy safe and gain trust and reputation from customers.
As a result
,
this
 leads to the improvement of
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 care structure and will be
reachable
Correct word choice
accessible
show examples
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the poor. In a word,
it is clear that
 the pros of nonpublic businesses providing standard and immediate treatments outweigh the cons of high-priced treatments.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: