In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Plenty of nations are currently experiencing uplifted life expectancy. A few individuals argue it is disadvantageous for a society to contain lots of elderly citizens, saying that it will generate more issues for the governments. In the meantime, some believe that having more ageing residents is beneficial. As for myself, I perceive that the cons exceed the pros, and

therefore

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, the following paragraphs will extend my opinion clearly. On the one hand, there are two reasons why there is an opinion which expresses agreement towards the advantages brought along by ageing residents to the countries. First things

first,

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it is quite vital for a society to have old minds as elderly inhabitants are capable of conveying valuable experiences and critical knowledge to succeeding generations.

This

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in other words

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, could enhance the level of efficiency and the proficiency of inexperienced workforce, which of course are required to expand a country’s development.

Secondly

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, the fact that the volume of older generations is increasing turns out to be an economic opportunity for numerous elderly-related occupations or services. For illustration, in many nations, including America, Korea, Vietnam, … and the list continues

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a variety of different products and activities, like diapers or maybe health care, are born in order to support older citizens in terms of physicality and mentality.

Hence

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, it makes sense to account for why some people reckon so.

On the other hand

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, despite all the mentioned good sides, there are still factors showcasing the burdens that societies might encounter. To clarify

this

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in addition

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to personal lives, younger generations in families will

then

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have to deal with more tasks, from rearing to supportive expenses.

This

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could lead to a more stressful quality of life.

Also

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, the matter has always been attached to birth rates, the more declining the rate is, the swifter ageing population will thrive.

This

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might have given a lack of labour, devising economically inefficient progress and even driving the policymakers crazy to solve the puzzling troubles.

For instance

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, a family of four with no birth-given planning may possibly suffer from no caretaker and financial obstacles when everybody reaches retirement and old age, with no ability to do that on their own. In short, the impacts that the downsides are definitely enormous, compared to the benefits. In summary, there are some elements that clarify the advantageous sides and I admit that it is fair enough.

However

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, as I have clearly interpreted, I am more convinced to go with the viewpoint that the drawbacks are more extreme than the beneficial points

due to

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how negative the impacts are that it could have on a whole nation.

jakelong16091994Tue Aug 22 2023

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coherence

Your essay is coherent overall, but there are moments when the wording could be clearer. Try varying sentence structure and being more precise with vocabulary to enhance clarity.

task

You have provided a complete response to the task, covering both sides of the argument and stating your position clearly. However, your main points could be more clearly elaborated and supported with more specific examples.

cohesion

Consider breaking down some of the longer sentences to make your points more digestible and ensure smooth transitions between ideas.

introduction conclusion

While your introduction and conclusion are present, try to make them more compelling by adding an engaging hook or summarizing key points concisely.

introduction

Your introduction clearly states the issue and your viewpoint, setting the reader up for what to expect.

task

You have effectively balanced the discussion by addressing both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.

cohesion

Your essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs dedicated to discussing each side of the argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

436 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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