IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
#show #shops #country
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From the chart above, we can see the pattern of opening
stores
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
from
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 2011 until 2018 is more stable than the
number
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 of closed
stores
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 in the same range of time. A significant decrease
of
Change preposition
in
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 opened
stores
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happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2011 and 2012. After that, it started to rise until reached 6000
stores
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 in 2014.
However
Linking Words
,
since
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from
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 2014 onwards the
number
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were
Change the verb form
was
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 slowly reduced and become flattened until 2017. In 2018 it reached the lowest
number
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 at only 3000
store
Change to a plural noun
stores
show examples
 opened.
While
Linking Words
 looking at the bold line, a large
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of closed
stores
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 are seen starting from 2011 until 2014. A
drastical
Correct your spelling
drastic
 drop is seen in the next year, only 500
stores
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 were closed in 2015 and it was the lowest
number
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 during the time range.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 the year after, it started to increase and reached more than 5000
stores
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then
Linking Words
 stable until 2018.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of new and bankrupt
stores
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 in the country were having the same pattern, many
stores
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 were opened but many of them
also
Linking Words
 closed, except in 2015.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words stores, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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