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Band 4.5

the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
#show #shops #country
From the chart above, we can see the pattern of opening
stores
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2011 until 2018 is more stable than the
number
 of closed
stores
 in the same range of time. A significant decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 opened
stores
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2011 and 2012. After that, it started to rise until reached 6000
stores
 in 2014.
However
,
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2014 onwards the
number
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 slowly reduced and become flattened until 2017. In 2018 it reached the lowest
number
 at only 3000
store
Change to a plural noun
stores
show examples
 opened.
While
 looking at the bold line, a large
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of closed
stores
 are seen starting from 2011 until 2014. A
drastical
Correct your spelling
drastic
 drop is seen in the next year, only 500
stores
 were closed in 2015 and it was the lowest
number
 during the time range.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the year after, it started to increase and reached more than 5000
stores
then
 stable until 2018.
To sum up
, the
number
 of new and bankrupt
stores
 in the country were having the same pattern, many
stores
 were opened but many of them
also
 closed, except in 2015.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words stores, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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