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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think cities are the best place to live. Other prefer to live in the countryside. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #cities #place #countryside
It is thought the best place to live is in cities
while
 others prefer to live in the
countryside
.
This
 writer
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with the first statement as its modern. On the one hand, cities are a suitable place for young
people
 to live because there is a lot of thing in there
such
 as shopping mall, stadium, luxury restaurant,etc a lot of places to go, so living in the
city
 make young
people’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
 life more
variety
Replace the word
varied
show examples
.
Moreover
, there is more service in the
city
, it is more convenient if you want to use them.
For example
, there are many good hospitals in the
city
 and you can go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
there to have
medical
Add an article
a medical
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 examination and treatment easier than in the
countryside
.
On the other hand
, old
people
is prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to live in the
countryside
 because in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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, the atmosphere is more peaceful and the pace of life is slower, so
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in the
countryside
 is for
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who are stressed by their work, staying in the
countryside
 would be a great choice to involve in a quiet and peaceful atmosphere. What is more, forming a friendly and relaxing environment for the natives,
people
 who live in the
city
 are too busy with their work and they don’t have time to think about other
people
while
people
 in the
countryside
 are very love
people
surrounded
Wrong verb form
surrounding
show examples
 them. In conclusion,
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in the cities is more convenient as
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 diverse
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
things,
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in the
countryside
 is not a bad choice for
people
 who want to enjoy their life.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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