A poor infrastructure hinders under developed countries from progressing and modernizing. Some people think this should be the first problem tackled by foreign aid. To what extent do you agree?

Some argue that insufficient infrastructure can be an obstacle for less-developed countries to improve and modernize.
Likewise
, the same people believe that
this
should be the first issue to be resolved with outside funding.
While
there are, undoubtedly, other critical matters that can be resolved with foreign aid, infrastructure is clearly the most important one because improving it will help slash transit costs for all businesses within the country, and will expedite the speed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
which goods and services are delivered.
Firstly
, improving the quality of roads and tracks will cut transportation costs for all companies within the country by reducing the
time
and fuel it requires to go from one place to another. Thanks to
this
, companies will pay a smaller portion of their revenue to fuel and drivers which will increase their net profits. Undoubtedly, the best example of
this
is the Bosphorus Bridge in Istanbul, Turkey. Before its inception, vehicles had to cross the Bosphorus via boats, which were unreliable and costly, both in terms of
time
and money.
Thus
, by putting up the bridge, the Ottoman state was able to remedy
this
, and
consequently
, reduce the transit costs for all establishments within the constituency.
Moreover
, bolstering the quality of infrastructure will increase the speed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
which products and services can be delivered. Dirt roads and meandering tracks are notorious for massively prolonging the
time
it takes to get around.
Therefore
, by allocating foreign funding to improving these, nations can streamline transportation and make it much less
time
-consuming.
For instance
, the trip from Istanbul to Bursa used to take around eight hours despite the two cities being less than 300
kilometers
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kilometres
show examples
away from
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
. To remedy
this
, the Turkish government put up the Orhangazi Bridge, which helped slash the
time
it took to three hours, and
thus
, cut down transit
time
by seven hours.
To sum up
, the allocation of foreign aid is a controversial topic within less-developed countries. And, even though some may argue that it could be better utilized in areas like education or healthcare, it is certain that solid infrastructural foundations will provide the highest benefits for the development of these states.
Submitted by denisbeytekin on

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured and addresses the task prompt effectively. However, ensure that you cover counterarguments more explicitly to present a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has strong coherence and cohesion with a logical flow of ideas. Nevertheless, using more varied transition words and phrases could enhance the flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
You use specific and relevant examples effectively to support your points, such as the Bosphorus Bridge and Orhangazi Bridge.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Your opinion

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