The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart provides information about the number of incidents and injuries per 100
million
Use synonyms
miles travelled by people using a specific kind of transport in 2002. Looking from the
overall
Linking Words
perspective it is readily apparent that incidence were more common than injuries during the whole year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, demand response was the most dangerous group,
while
Linking Words
commuter
rail
Use synonyms
was the safest one. With regards to the incidents, the segment with the lowest amount was commuter
rail
Use synonyms
(20 accidents per 100
million
Use synonyms
passengers), followed by heavy
rail
Use synonyms
(51).
In addition
Linking Words
, light
rail
Use synonyms
and bus divided third place and accounted for 76 for both categories.
Moreover
Linking Words
, demand response was a leader with 225 cases.
According to
Linking Words
the graph, the lowest number of injuries had individuals, who travelled by commuter
rail
Use synonyms
(17
million
Use synonyms
PMT).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, heavy and light
rail
Use synonyms
had 35 and 36
million
Use synonyms
PMT respectively,
while
Linking Words
bus transportation had 66 cases.
Finally
Linking Words
, most passengers were injured during demand response travelling.
Submitted by sofsya.fedorenko.2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words million, rail with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: