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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.
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The bar chart provides information about the number of incidents and injuries per 100
million
Use synonyms
 miles travelled by people using a specific kind of transport in 2002. Looking from the
overall
Linking Words
 perspective it is readily apparent that incidence were more common than injuries during the whole year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, demand response was the most dangerous group,
while
Linking Words
 commuter
rail
Use synonyms
 was the safest one. With regards to the incidents, the segment with the lowest amount was commuter
rail
Use synonyms
 (20 accidents per 100
million
Use synonyms
 passengers), followed by heavy
rail
Use synonyms
 (51).
In addition
Linking Words
, light
rail
Use synonyms
 and bus divided third place and accounted for 76 for both categories.
Moreover
Linking Words
, demand response was a leader with 225 cases.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, the lowest number of injuries had individuals, who travelled by commuter
rail
Use synonyms
 (17
million
Use synonyms
 PMT).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, heavy and light
rail
Use synonyms
 had 35 and 36
million
Use synonyms
 PMT respectively,
while
Linking Words
 bus transportation had 66 cases.
Finally
Linking Words
, most passengers were injured during demand response travelling.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words million, rail with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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