IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves, to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a view that most of us cannot remember the religious or traditional implications of festivals, since they only pay all attention to celebrating them for fun. From my perspective, I am not in favour of
this
Linking Words
 opinion, believing that we cannot only gain pleasure from celebrations but understand the meaning delivered by those festive events. It is true that almost all people have a strong preference for traditional and religious occasions, in which we are able to immerse ourselves in those festivities,
thus
Linking Words
 having fun from them. For one thing, most festive events regarding tradition and religion are related to family ties and domestic affection, which bond us together.
For instance
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year, there must be a festival celebrating family reunions worldwide,
such
Linking Words
 as Christmas
Day
Use synonyms
 in Western culture and the Corban Festival in the
Islam
Replace the word
Islamic
show examples
 world, which makes people living in different places reunite
together with
Linking Words
 enjoyment and happiness. For another, many holidays are tagged with interesting and celebrating characteristics,
such
Linking Words
 as Halloween requires children to light jack-o'-lanterns and ask for candies.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it does not mean that what these festivals imply has slipped from our memory.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people still remember the messages delivered by festivals.
For example
Linking Words
, citizens in some nations
such
Linking Words
 as the UK and the US will have not only a
day
Use synonyms
 off to unwind on Remembrance
Day
Use synonyms
 but pay tribute to soldiers who sacrificed their lives for their countries, with different activities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we still cherish the important value brought by traditional and religious occasions.
For instance
Linking Words
, family plays a key role in celebrating Christmas
Day
Use synonyms
, which is memorized by anyone who engages in feasts regarding traditions and religions as well. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 modern citizens indulge in the amusement brought by traditional and religious occasions, we
have
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not yet what they are celebrated for.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all points directly address the question prompt and provide cohesive responses in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, consider using linking words and phrases to establish stronger cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay shows a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate terminology to express ideas. However, consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the richness of language.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a relatively good command of grammar and sentence structures. However, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence variety for a more sophisticated language use.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: