IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people believe it is necessary, but others think that it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
People have different views about whether holders of top-spot positions in big companies should be paid more or
as
Change preposition
apply
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equal to ordinary
employees
.
Although
this
 may seem unfair that managers earn ample money, I completely agree that
this
 is the correct
payment
 policy by the firm. There are several reasons to support the higher
payment
 rates of the managers.
Firstly
, these senior
employees
 have vast experience and they
also
 have good educational qualifications and they have struggled to get that position.
Secondly
, they hold the burden of responsibility.
That is
, they are in charge of making every decision and any possible bad outcome of these decisions and they should make the company run smoothly.
Finally
, they need to work for longer hours and even harder for ordinary
employees
.
That is
 why, I believe that they deserve higher income rates.
On the other hand
, junior
employees
 are responsible for less work and they need to work on less-complicated tasks. What they do has less impact on the whole outcome of the company.
Furthermore
, they do not need to make smart decisions that may change the
overall
 situation of the company. They deal with lower levels of stress, and they have more flexibility in working hours and they
also
 enjoy more time in the day.
In addition
 to
this
, it is a general rule in nearly all organizations to less to ordinary staff because they are mostly in their junior years of working and paying equal
payment
 will discourage their hunger to grow.
To sum up
, I strongly believe that managers should get higher
payment
 compared to other workers in the ventures.
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay appears to discuss both viewpoints and offers a clear opinion; however, specific examples to support arguments are lacking. To improve, incorporate relevant examples or evidence that showcases the impact of decisions made by directors versus the outcomes of tasks performed by ordinary employees.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, with a logical flow of ideas. However, to enhance coherence, work on linking ideas more fluidly and using cohesive devices appropriately to signal relationships between ideas. Developing paragraphs with clearer topic sentences and more varied connectives can also strengthen the logical progression of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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