Schools should put more emphasis on sport and exercise, while others believe that schools should focus on science subject. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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Schools offer comprehensive subjects for the students to learn, and some people claim that they should concentrate on
sports
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and physical
exercise
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,
while
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others argue that they must be specialized in
science
Use synonyms
studies. In my opinion, I strongly contend that emphasizing
science
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for students would be beneficial since it can provide a stable career for them. Focusing on
science
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fields would bring learners a variety of career opportunities. The demand for workers who excel in
science
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is quite substantial because prospects in
science
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would increase significantly alongside future advancements as they will be needed in various domains, including health, technology, education, and more.
For instance
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, most of my friends who study
science
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have become successful people in their particular fields and have acquired long-term positions.
Thus
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, if they focus on
science
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, they will most likely obtain auspicious futures.
On the other hand
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,
sports
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and
exercise
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subjects will expose learners to limited job options. People view
this
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study as an unimportant aspect since most workplaces do not require
this
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speciality,
although
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it would be a viable approach to spark students’ interest in physical activity. To exemplify, a student in my school, once a professional athlete, has stopped his activity and become unemployed without any qualifications to try an office job.
As a result
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, his efforts in
sports
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and
exercise
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just led to nothing, which is merely a temporary experience for him.
To conclude
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, I consider
science
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domains will be useful in the future, which
facilitate
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitates
show examples
learners with varied opportunities to be attained.
Nevertheless
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,
sports
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and
exercise
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subjects could be a sensible choice for those who have specific interests in them, which are not essential aspects that all students must pursue.
Submitted by hanalyaa29 on

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task achievement
To enhance your argument on the importance of science, consider providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your point.
task achievement
Try to balance the discussion by acknowledging possible counterarguments for focusing solely on science, and explain how sports could also play a role in holistic education.
coherence cohesion
Develop your conclusion by summarizing both sides more clearly before stating your opinion, to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, outlining both views and presenting a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear progression of ideas, with paragraphs dedicated to distinct points, which aids in reader comprehension.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as your friends' career successes, add a personal touch and illustrate your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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