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Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Nowadays,
parents
 play a vital
role
 in educating a child to become a good part of
society
, people thought,
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 some argue that the
school
 should teach them. I believe that
parents
 play a greater
role
 than
school
 in becoming a part of
society
. On the one hand, schools can really influence their future in
society
. Since it is at
school
 that
this
 issue is dealt with.
For instance
, at NIS
school
 they teach children how to behave,
what
Correct word choice
and what
show examples
 kind of student and person they should be.
However
 in most
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 it is related to studies, so it does not always help a person become excellent in
society
. I believe that
parents
 play an absolutely essential
role
 in teaching them how to be good citizens. Since his family, those who know the child best know his character, his actions, his thoughts, and himself as a person and
thus
 can work with him so that in the future he will be a good part of the community.
For example
, in the story of Robin Hood, you can see how much
parents
 influence their children and their upbringing and what they will be like in the future.
Moreover
, these kids are likely to become good members of the association when they grow up.
To sum up
, it can be argued that
school
 plays a good
role
 in raising a child for
society
, but
parents
 are more important in
this
 matter.
Therefore
,
parents
 play the greatest
role
 in
this
 regard.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer and more precise. Consider rephrasing it to better present the two sides of the argument, and state your opinion more clearly at the end of the introductory paragraph.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from the clarity of your essay. Make sure to carefully proofread your work to eliminate errors and improve sentence structure.
supported main points
It would be helpful to provide more detailed examples to support your points, especially when discussing how schools teach children to be good members of society.
task achievement
You have presented both views of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
supported main points
The main points are supported with examples, which strengthens your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your view and restates the main points.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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