IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write about the following topic: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
Nowadays, many
people
 have a goal to visit as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 different countries as they can.
Tourism
 has become so popular because
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation of
people
 likes to spend money on impressions. So, I reckon
Correct article usage
the impressions
show examples
impressions
Fix the agreement mistake
impression
show examples
 that you can obtain travelling
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different places is the main advantage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
. Another advantage of
tourism
 is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ability to meet new
people
 and acquire new friends. My wife has
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of friends from European and Eastern countries, and sometimes we came to them as guests, it helps to
travel
 with
tight
Add an article
a tight
show examples
 budget. And I can mention another reason to
travel
 – it gives you
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to practice foreign languages with native speakers.
On the other hand
, any
travel
 demands time to be spent on planning and organization. You have to spend your time and attention on choosing
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
, tickets and excursions. And it could be risky
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because your flight could be delayed or you can face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overbooking. I didn’t pass
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the plane once because of overbooking and I spent one day in
hotel
Add an article
a hotel
show examples
instead
 of flying home. And the
last
, but very
importantreason
Correct your spelling
important reason
 – price.
Tourism
 could be very
expencive
Correct your spelling
expensive
, and it stops
big
Add an article
the big
show examples
 amount of
people
 from
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I want to say that for
me
Change the pronoun
my
show examples
 impressions
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 travelling overweight all disadvantages and it is the main reason to
travel
. I am a hardworking person and I did one or two travels per year until I met my wife, she loves to
travel
 and she showed me all
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of
tourism
.
Last
 year we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started our
lont
Correct your spelling
long
travel
 and today we live in Turkey.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!