IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that young individuals should receive full-time
education
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 until they turn 18.
While
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 some argue that
this
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 requires significant time, effort, and financial investment, I believe that long-term
education
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 is essential for a young person’s development.
To begin
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 with, extended
education
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 helps
students
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 gain essential knowledge and skills for their future careers. Schools need well-trained teachers, modern classrooms, and financial support to create an effective learning environment.
For example
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, classrooms equipped with the latest technology allow
students
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 to engage in interactive learning, making the process more enjoyable and productive.
Moreover
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, staying in school until 18 improves critical thinking and problem-solving abilities. If
students
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 are exposed to different subjects for a longer time, they can make better career choices.
Additionally
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,
education
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 teaches discipline and responsibility, preparing them for future challenges.
Furthermore
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, requiring
students
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 to remain in
education
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 helps reduce issues
such
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 as unemployment and crime. Studies show that individuals with higher
education
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 levels have better job prospects and contribute more to society. Countries with strong
education
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 systems often experience lower crime rates and stronger economies. In conclusion, full-time
education
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 until the age of 18 is beneficial for both individuals and society. It provides young people with the knowledge, skills, and discipline needed for a successful future.
Therefore
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, I strongly support extending
education
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 for all
students
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 until they reach adulthood.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on your examples to make them more specific and relevant to the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and supports it well with logical arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong and effectively frame the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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