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Band 4.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative developments?

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With the huge development of technology, we can see every person depending upon various types of
gagets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, computers, desktops etc. We can see
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
 in the hand of most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 and most of them spend hours on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 every day
due to
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 their addiction. I think
this
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 is a negative development. In the present context of the world, almost every individual seeks
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
better facilities and
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 to make their work easier by using different modern devices. People from different age groups mostly
use
Use synonyms
 mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for different
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
Apart from
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Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 we can see mostly
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 using mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 hours
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each day. They are addicted to it. Parents whenever they are busy with their work provide cell
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to their
children
Use synonyms
 to keep them away from their work. The careless behaviour of every
guardain
Correct your spelling
guardian
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 to the continuous
use
Use synonyms
 of
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 by a child. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
khowing
Correct your spelling
knowing
showing
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 consequences many people still don't change
this
Linking Words
harit
Correct your spelling
habit
 and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
children
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to suffer.
Although
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 it may provide knowledge to the
children
Use synonyms
, it may hamper their health condition. Continuously
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 may cause
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
 and even loss of
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
show examples
. In most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cases
due to
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 the excessive
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile
Use synonyms
phones
Add a comma
,phones
show examples
 we can see kids being dull and antisocial. In contrary to
this
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, they might get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in illegal activities
such
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 as hacking, cracking etc.
On the other hand
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, there might be some advantages. They can learn different things from home. Not only
this
Linking Words
 they can
also
Linking Words
 get information about the current
affaisamet
Correct your spelling
affairs met
 of the world. They can get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to explore the field of their interest.
Instead
Linking Words
 of travelling far away for quality
education
Add a comma
,education
show examples
 they can learn all things from any corner of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 by attending virtual classes which can be for free.
In addition
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 to
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this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 they can
also
Linking Words
use
Use synonyms
 it for entertainment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 and
also
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 to capture important movements.
Overall
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, rather than being social and
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 most of the
children
Use synonyms
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to spend time alone
due to
Linking Words
 the influence of
phones
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the demerits of using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 simply out weights it's merit.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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